The Purpose of This Blog is:

to make society aware of what happens when a person gets injured in say an auto accident, it is through no fault of their own and they decide to sue. I always thought suing was easy and way too many people do it. Was I ever wrong!

It is not easy. It is especially not easy if a person is different. Such as being gay. Or being a Pagan or Wiccan. Or being d, etc. If you have something in your past you would rather not be out in the open; prepare yourself because lawyers for the insurance companies are ruthless and their objective is to save the company money no matter who gets hurt.

These are called bad faith insurance companies. Auto Owners Insurance is rated 25th on the Bad Faith list. Auto Owners Insurance does not appear on the Good Faith list at all and in no way.

Auto Owners and their lawyer Jeff Bolster made me feel like an unfit mother, crazy, unwanted, a bad person during the deposition phase and in the mediation.

On the way home from the deposition in October 2003; I cried hurt and angry tears. The minute I got home I called a friend of mine who is a counselor and minister. We spent about two hours on the phone and I sobbed and sobbed with anger, shame and frustration. Then I called Deb to talk to her. The entire evening was taken up with this negative and damaging scene. I never did go into details with my kids about it.

One of the ways he made me feel like a terrible mother is that he asked me how often I drive to Atlanta to see my kids which is 3 and 1/2 hours away. I answered about twice a year but would love to be able to do it more. That my pain and fatigue makes it difficult to drive there more often.

Then he began questioning me about every place I had traveled to since the accident. I had traveled to visit friends in Charleston, SC twice, Richmond, VA once, Sylva,NC three times. I went to visit adults who had no kids. I spent a quiet time with them; not doing too much activity at all besides going out to eat and looking at nature.

When I go to see my adult kids it makes me so tired. They each are married with kids. A total of 7 grandchildren now. And I cannot be still when they are around. I have to climb at least once up into the tree house, I have to sit and watch kid movies. I have to read to them. I have to feed and bathe them too. And it is not that I don't like doing these things I do. But when I do too much I pay for it by increased fatigue and pain.

When I visit my kids it takes a week to get over it physically. Same thing when they come here for a few days; it makes me tired and causes further pain. I accept that and it wasn't easy to accept. But I did not get a chance to say all this. He asked a few questions geared to making me look like an unfit mother and changed the subject. I was only allowed to answer with short answers. And my lawyer sat there with his thumb up his ass letting Bolster tear me apart.

He said in mediation referring to my answers in the deposition that Auto Owners does not deny that the accident was the fault of their client. That they were taking responsibility for the lesion on my left knee and nothing else. He said that when we got to court he would prove that the other medical issues were a result of my other issues that were covered in the deposition such as:

My mother died at the age of 56 of breast cancer
That my son has autism
That my son self medicates with pot and alcohol
That I was sexually abused as a child by my step father
That I am a lesbian
That my parents had problems with alcohol

These issues do not cause permanent nerve damage in two places; one under the kneecap, the nerve was severed there completely and the other nerve damage is coming from my back where five discs are bulging (I had no problems before the accident).

These issues do not cause torn cartilidge in the left knee which was surgically repaired in April of 2000.

Myofacial pain syndrome which appeared during the nine months of physical therapy after the torn cartilidge surgery in April 2000. Muscles that are controlled by nerves that are damaged do not do well in physcial therapy. How could they? They are not getting the nerve impulses to work properly.

Fibromyalgia; which came on a few years after the car accident. This resulted from all the other injuries and the fact that I began limping immediately after the accident and this had thrown my body off balance. It was the way my body compensated for the imbalance and the damage; making it difficult to get around.

Arthritus set in almost immediately. When the surgeon got into my knee in April of 2000 he found a lesion of arthritus right on the knee cap and lasered it off. That is the only thing I was compensated for. In spite of the fact, that I have had several surgical procedures called caudal nerve blocks to help with the damaged nerve pain which is horrendous and right up there with cancer pain.

So I have chronic pain which is intractable and for which there is no known cure. It is a life time disease that I have to live with. It also prevents me from doing so many things that are important for good mental health.

Over these past six years I became depressed diagnosed with major depressive disorder. I applied for permanent disability on July 7 2004. I was approved five months later on the first go round without and attorney.

I have to do something. The heart attack in March proves that I am still carrying around anger with the situation of the lawsuit and how it turned out. The heart attack was pretty bad and left my ventricles permanently damaged.

I just can't let go of this. I am trapped by my body and these circumstances. I suffered severe financial setbacks because of my injuries. I lost my job because of the injuries. I became permanently disabled because of that car accident. And I cannot let them get away with this. I have to be compensated so I can get on with my life by selling this house and moving back to GA to be closer to my family.

Right now I can do nothing. That is so frustrating too because not a day goes by that I don't think about them and what happened. I am so trapped here. I am afraid that I will die before I can move to my kids.

This is a horrible situation. With what I am paid by social security $990.00 a month I will never be able to financially move to GA. My income as it is does not pay all my bills each month. I have to rob Peter to pay Paul every single month.

I am so tired I can no longer take care of my garden or mow the grass. My son is coming up from Atlanta to cut my grass. My daughters come up from Atlanta to give my house a good cleaning. So I am in limbo trying to find a way to get home.

In the meantime I am alone. Most of these past six years I have been alone. No one is interested in me for long before they become frustrated and angry at me, my body and the way I have to cancel out on activities because I am sick.

I have stuggled for a year to maintain on Medicaid and at the end of this month I am cut off and do not know how I will pay for my medications which are:

Oxycotin 20 mg every eight hours
Cymbalta 90mg in the am
Wellbutrin in the pm
Valium prn for anxiety and muscle pain
Celebrex prn for arthritus
Crestor in the pm to reduce cholesterol
Plavix 75 mg to reduce clotting. It is working because I have uncontrolled bleeding in my hemmoroid. And I stay constipated because of the anti-depressants and the Oxycotin
Asipirin 81 mg in the am
Lopressor twice a day
Lisinopril once in the am

That's all for today. More later. I hope this helps somehow. I wish that every time I post a section that that memory would disappear completely. Would that not be great!