At Long Last A Break:

I finally got the first real break since the car accident concerning my health. I went to the new cardiologist today for some testing to be done. I had a thalium scan with and without isotope tracers; a stress test, an echo and lab work.

The stress test revealed that my heart had completely healed, he said if he didn't know better he would not be able to tell that I had had a heart attack. My ejection fraction has improved greatly! It was 65% the day before the HA, after the HA it was 30% (the heart begins to die at 15%). Today it was 69% which is a high normal. The ventricles have completely healed and working great. I am so happy that I am walking on air!

I called my daughters right outside the clinic when I got home to share the good news; we all cried with relief. I feel like my life is now being given back to me and I have a second chance at life.

I saw my shrink on Monday and she feels the sleeping so many hours during the day is because of depression. My brain and body is tired from all the stressors of the past six years, the financial problems and the health problems have been just too much for me to handle. She said I have post-tramatic stress disorder from the chain of events which happened after the car accident. So we are working on that issue now.

I am now enrolled in group therapy beginning the Monday after Labor Day. Dr. G also wanted me to see a clinician that day. She asked me if I had had thoughts of suicide recently and I answered yes. She asked me what prevented me from doing it and how did I handle it. I said the thoughts of my kids, grandchildren and pets prevented me from doing it. They would suffer when I took the cowards way out.

So I saw A, and we talked for over an hour. She let me know that I do need to come in when ever I feel that bad. They have clinicians on call 24/7/365 that can help me. I was not aware of that.

I also fessed up with her about what happened to me during the lawsuit with Auto Owners Insurance Company; I had never told anyone at Daymark Recovery about this terrible thing.

A said, "I adnire you so much Nancy; this is a courageous and loyal thing you did to take a financial hit like that to protect your two friends is a wonderful thing. You should be very proud. And when you started telling me about this you started off by saying that if you had it to do all over you would do the same thing makes it all the more evident that you are so loyal and trustworth with your family and friends."

She also said that if she had to choose someone for a friend it would be me; that I was a much better person than the lawyer for Auto Owners and a better person that all the people working for Auto Owners who were part of the decision to hurt me. She said this kind of loyalty is hard to find and I should be so proud. I told her I learned that from my mother and grandfather.

And yes, even though the outcome was disasterous, I hurt my family and myself a lot, I would protect my friends in a heartbeat; I would do it again.

Funny they don't even know what I did. I never told them about it. The only thing I ever said on the day of the deposition was "if someone named Jeff Bolster calls you do not answer the phone!"