It Is Hard For Even Me to Believe All of This Blog

and the events that happened. It reads like a horror story or some crazy woman wrote it. I may be deeply depressed by all the things that happened and all the things that have happened to my body of which I had little or no control; but I am not nuts.

I have a need to be heard and it would help to be acknowledged too.

I struggle every day to stay solvent; to keep my home, to keep my vehicle running and pray it doesn't break down, to keep the self-defeating attitude at bay, to think positive thoughts about myself and my world and everything in it.

Some days I just can't win. I do have to pat myself on the back I am still afloat. I have managed to keep the bad guys away from me. Just barely I managed. But I am.

Some days I take a few steps forward and some days a few steps back; always the situation is degeneration and I am holding on for what I am not sure. I need to make a plan though.

I got some numbers so I can file for bankruptcy; to get the creditors off my back. I will not include the house as I want to keep it for as long as possible.

I am working on getting straight with the IRS; I haven't filed in a few years which is stupid for many reasons but they owe me lots of money! With all the medical bills wow! I can't seem to concentrate. I can't seem to get enough energy together and hold the pain at bay to take care of many things that I have to do.

I work on something for an hour or so and get discouraged because the pain escalates, I get fatigued, get frustrated, get up to rest and say "I will do these things when I feel better." Feeling better rarely happens because my body is breaking down to old age status because of the car accident and I have little or no control over the prognosis.

I am blessed and very happy about the good news concerning my heart. That is a break; a good break that was needed badly.

I am trying to decide what to do about Auto Owners and Jeff Bolster. They need to be socked in the wallet and as hard as I can manage. I had an idea the other day when looking for an attorney. I am having difficulty because of the gay issue. I think I will have better luck omitting it in my search. I have enough bad stuff to use and to file a lawsuit over without mentioning I am a lesbian. The angle with my mother's dying of breast cancer and my son's autism being used against me in deposition and mediation whould be enough.

Today, my chore is to go through all my unfiled paperwork; pull out all medical bills, tax stuff and stuff concerning Auto Owners and Bolster. These are things I need to take care of the most important things on my list. I spent one hour this morning and need to get off line and get back to it.

I can put the stuff I don't need right now into boxes and label "To Be Filed." That can wait till I get the taxes done. I have a number for VITA; this is affilliated with IRS but they help the consumer and they are volunteers. This is a great thing to have use of.

I have not filed any paperwork in SIX years!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Filing kills my back. But when my son was here a week ago I had him stack the two filing cabinets with the important stuff on top.

Crap I am tired but I cann't lay down just yet. I have to get medical bills ready (make copies) for the Food Stamp program and take them down there Tuesday. And then get the medical bills ready for the hearing for recertification for medicaid. That mess is their mistake and oh what a mistake it was.

Maybe I can squeeze in an hour nap later..........................