Before I got hurt I was such a strong and independent woman who was doing okay professionally, financially and personally. I had a great job with good pay, led a very active social life with lots of friends, had a good and loving relationship with my family and my partner at the time.
Now I barely go out of the house. A tank of gas for my 2000 Nissan truck lasts six weeks. I hardly talk to anyone. I have no real friends anymore and a strained relationship with my kids. I don't want to burden them and make them worry to I don't tell them about it.
Today, I drove to my pain care doctor in Charlotte 25 miles from home. I am always scared to drive when taking my narcotic pain medication so I am very viligent and it is so tiring to be on constant alert.
When I got there all the staff except the receptionist were at lunch. I had missed them by five minutes. I have to pick up my script each month for the oxycotin 20 mg taken three times a day. The law does not allow these to be called into the pharmacy. I would have had to wait 90 min.
I sat down and tried to think about what I could do. I was told the day before that they could not write another script until I saw the doctor or the pa. This visit is $200. I don't have it. I asked them to write me a script for methadone; my doctor does this every time I loose insurance replaces the oxycotin with methadone as the methadone costs $20 vs almost $600. They said this could not be done unless I saw the doctor or the pa. I asked if a script fo vicodin could be written until I see the doctor or the pa next month. The answer was no. Vicodin, enough to get me to the next appointment on Oct.12th (I finally agreed to make an appointment though where I was to get the $200 is beyond me) would cost about $50.
I sat there and then thought about contacting the doctor directly. I got the number for the clinic where he was today and had to leave a message which was "Dr. Bullard, I once again have lost medicaid and have no other insurance. I am scheduled to see you on Oct. 12th could you please call in a script for vicodin to the pharmacy? I am heading home and am too fatigued to come back later today for the script for methadone. Thanks!" I asked him to call me back or a nurse to let me know what had been done. I never heard from them at all.
I go outside the clinic to my truck to head home and my phone rings. It is my caseworked at Adult Medicaid. I am trying to be reinstated into Medicaid.
In Jan. I applied but they lost all my paperwork and did not find it until two weeks ago. It is a confusing mess. But we have gotten to an agreement that I am to reapply providing copies of unpaid medical bills totally over $4,368 that were for the period of Jan. 1 2004 to Jan. 1, 2006. In Jan. I gave them $7,200 worth of medical bills that had not been paid.
I have almost three drawers of medical bills. These files are heavy and it is a great burden to fill out the application and pull bills out of these files and return them.
So we agreed that I could have the weekend to go and pull out all unpaid bills in the time period above and bring them all to her on Monday. Crap! That is a lot of work and I have arthritis in my hands.
I was talking to my caseworker on the phone and began crying in frustration and remember saying "Regina, my life is in terrible condition, I hurt so much I am so tired I don't know how much longer I can do this..." And I don't know.
I got into the truck and started sobbing. I stopped crying and drove home. I had to stop at the store to buy some food. I go almost everyday as it is hard carrying the groceries.
When I got home I had a quick bite to eat and then laid down at 2 pm and fell asleep and woke at 10 pm. This happens to me a lot. Some days I may sleep 18 hours. It is the depression associated with chronic pain and illnesses and injuries. It is the meds most of which cause fatigue. It is my diet which is poor; I hurt so much and most of the time too tired to cook. It is because when I am asleep I can't think about my situation.
And I do not know how much longer I can live like this. No one wants to hear what I have to say.
So here I sit on an early Sat. morning without a script, with only enough pain medication for a few more days and I am running out of options, energy and facing withdrawal symptoms not to mention the pain I will be experiencing full blown early next week.
Friday, September 29, 2006
Going It Alone:
For almost seven years I have been dealing with injuries suffered in an auto accident; trying to find out what was wrong with me, get the diagnosises and appropriate treatments.
This is all well and good but it is only part of the problem. The biggest and most difficult part is trying to cope with the results of the insurance company, their claims adjusters and their lawyer's actions of intentional inflictional of emotional and financial harm based on the fact that I am a lesbian.
The previous journal entries here are tedious and difficult to read about. It is even more difficult to live it day to day. To experience the slow decline of finances, emotional health and the inability to keep up the work involved in day to day living with my body, what happened to my body, trying to live, trying to get someone to listen, trying to find someone who can help me take this to civil court as advised by most everyone who hears my story and even by the Dept. of Insurance here in NC. I have two letters in my possession advising me to file a lawsuit against Auto-Owners Insurance Company.
Why? To expose this company to the public, to gain a monetary settlement, award and/or judgement against the above mentioned parties as punishment for their actions and as a payment to me for the infliction of emotional and financial distress and to pay off my creditors and to be able to buy the treatments and medication I need to have to survive.
Today I received in the mail a judgement against me for Discover Card in the amount of $7,000; they threatened to confiscate all my assets. I was threatened with a lawsuit by a previous dentist. Even IRS is threatening legal action against me. I owe other credit cards and doctor bills that will soon become lawsuits against me as well.
I am living on $990 a month on SSDI, no longer able to work, no medical insurance and no way to pay for doctor's visits and medicine. The costs for prescriptions alone is $658 a month; for heart meds, anti-depressants and pain medications.
The accident and subsequent injuries and illnesses are all a direct result of the car accident. These injuries and illnesses have become so severe over the years it became impossible to work. The Social Security Administration agreed with me because they awarded me SSDI the first application without and attorney.
Because of my financial decline (income has gone from $34,000 to about 10,000) I cannot pay my credit cards at all, had some late payment on my house, my vehicle came within a week of being repossed while I was waiting for an answer about the SSDI. In Nov.1997, my credit was outstanding. I was able to find my potential home and close all within two weeks. Now my credit is in terrible condition.
The insurance policies that were available to cover the costs of my injuries and illnesses and the financial burden imposed by the above was $200,000. Because of the actions of the insurance company and their lawyer in mediation; threats of exposure of homosexuality in court of myself and two of my witnesses I was forced to accept a settlement of $21,000. My two witnesses who are also lesbians are school teachers and would have lost their jobs if it became known and their lawyer was well aware of this fact. I could have lost my job as well.
I have documents which can prove everything I have written in this entire blog.
I have letters from the NC Dept of Insurance proving that the insurance company, claims adjuster and the lawyer lied during it's investigation of my complaint to them.
I have a letter from an employee in management of the insurance company threatening me with legal action if I don't cease to stop telling people about this case.
The mediator in this case, Judge Chase Saunders made a statement to me in mediation out of the hearing of the lawyer and reps of the insurance company that because I am gay I will not get one penny more than the $21,000 they offered me. Judge Saunders said this case (he was a judge in superior and district courts) should have brought a minimum of $175,000 and that in all his years he had never seen such deliberate misrepresentation of medical facts and mistreatment of a plantiff. He would make an excellent witness because he is a kind, honest and well respected man in this area.
I need help. I cannot find a lawyer; I have contacted perhaps thirty or so for assistance and none of them will take this case because of the issue of homosexuality. All of them have stated they want no part of this case because the chances of winning here in NC to them is very small. I disagree completely.
The mediation took place in Feb. 2004 so the statute of limitations for the tort of deliberate infliction of severe emotional and financial distress has not passed.
Next page, what happened today that reflects what happens in my days almost on a regular basis. I am even afraid to check the mail now.
This is all well and good but it is only part of the problem. The biggest and most difficult part is trying to cope with the results of the insurance company, their claims adjusters and their lawyer's actions of intentional inflictional of emotional and financial harm based on the fact that I am a lesbian.
The previous journal entries here are tedious and difficult to read about. It is even more difficult to live it day to day. To experience the slow decline of finances, emotional health and the inability to keep up the work involved in day to day living with my body, what happened to my body, trying to live, trying to get someone to listen, trying to find someone who can help me take this to civil court as advised by most everyone who hears my story and even by the Dept. of Insurance here in NC. I have two letters in my possession advising me to file a lawsuit against Auto-Owners Insurance Company.
Why? To expose this company to the public, to gain a monetary settlement, award and/or judgement against the above mentioned parties as punishment for their actions and as a payment to me for the infliction of emotional and financial distress and to pay off my creditors and to be able to buy the treatments and medication I need to have to survive.
Today I received in the mail a judgement against me for Discover Card in the amount of $7,000; they threatened to confiscate all my assets. I was threatened with a lawsuit by a previous dentist. Even IRS is threatening legal action against me. I owe other credit cards and doctor bills that will soon become lawsuits against me as well.
I am living on $990 a month on SSDI, no longer able to work, no medical insurance and no way to pay for doctor's visits and medicine. The costs for prescriptions alone is $658 a month; for heart meds, anti-depressants and pain medications.
The accident and subsequent injuries and illnesses are all a direct result of the car accident. These injuries and illnesses have become so severe over the years it became impossible to work. The Social Security Administration agreed with me because they awarded me SSDI the first application without and attorney.
Because of my financial decline (income has gone from $34,000 to about 10,000) I cannot pay my credit cards at all, had some late payment on my house, my vehicle came within a week of being repossed while I was waiting for an answer about the SSDI. In Nov.1997, my credit was outstanding. I was able to find my potential home and close all within two weeks. Now my credit is in terrible condition.
The insurance policies that were available to cover the costs of my injuries and illnesses and the financial burden imposed by the above was $200,000. Because of the actions of the insurance company and their lawyer in mediation; threats of exposure of homosexuality in court of myself and two of my witnesses I was forced to accept a settlement of $21,000. My two witnesses who are also lesbians are school teachers and would have lost their jobs if it became known and their lawyer was well aware of this fact. I could have lost my job as well.
I have documents which can prove everything I have written in this entire blog.
I have letters from the NC Dept of Insurance proving that the insurance company, claims adjuster and the lawyer lied during it's investigation of my complaint to them.
I have a letter from an employee in management of the insurance company threatening me with legal action if I don't cease to stop telling people about this case.
The mediator in this case, Judge Chase Saunders made a statement to me in mediation out of the hearing of the lawyer and reps of the insurance company that because I am gay I will not get one penny more than the $21,000 they offered me. Judge Saunders said this case (he was a judge in superior and district courts) should have brought a minimum of $175,000 and that in all his years he had never seen such deliberate misrepresentation of medical facts and mistreatment of a plantiff. He would make an excellent witness because he is a kind, honest and well respected man in this area.
I need help. I cannot find a lawyer; I have contacted perhaps thirty or so for assistance and none of them will take this case because of the issue of homosexuality. All of them have stated they want no part of this case because the chances of winning here in NC to them is very small. I disagree completely.
The mediation took place in Feb. 2004 so the statute of limitations for the tort of deliberate infliction of severe emotional and financial distress has not passed.
Next page, what happened today that reflects what happens in my days almost on a regular basis. I am even afraid to check the mail now.
Sunday, September 03, 2006
It Is Hard For Even Me to Believe All of This Blog
and the events that happened. It reads like a horror story or some crazy woman wrote it. I may be deeply depressed by all the things that happened and all the things that have happened to my body of which I had little or no control; but I am not nuts.
I have a need to be heard and it would help to be acknowledged too.
I struggle every day to stay solvent; to keep my home, to keep my vehicle running and pray it doesn't break down, to keep the self-defeating attitude at bay, to think positive thoughts about myself and my world and everything in it.
Some days I just can't win. I do have to pat myself on the back I am still afloat. I have managed to keep the bad guys away from me. Just barely I managed. But I am.
Some days I take a few steps forward and some days a few steps back; always the situation is degeneration and I am holding on for what I am not sure. I need to make a plan though.
I got some numbers so I can file for bankruptcy; to get the creditors off my back. I will not include the house as I want to keep it for as long as possible.
I am working on getting straight with the IRS; I haven't filed in a few years which is stupid for many reasons but they owe me lots of money! With all the medical bills wow! I can't seem to concentrate. I can't seem to get enough energy together and hold the pain at bay to take care of many things that I have to do.
I work on something for an hour or so and get discouraged because the pain escalates, I get fatigued, get frustrated, get up to rest and say "I will do these things when I feel better." Feeling better rarely happens because my body is breaking down to old age status because of the car accident and I have little or no control over the prognosis.
I am blessed and very happy about the good news concerning my heart. That is a break; a good break that was needed badly.
I am trying to decide what to do about Auto Owners and Jeff Bolster. They need to be socked in the wallet and as hard as I can manage. I had an idea the other day when looking for an attorney. I am having difficulty because of the gay issue. I think I will have better luck omitting it in my search. I have enough bad stuff to use and to file a lawsuit over without mentioning I am a lesbian. The angle with my mother's dying of breast cancer and my son's autism being used against me in deposition and mediation whould be enough.
Today, my chore is to go through all my unfiled paperwork; pull out all medical bills, tax stuff and stuff concerning Auto Owners and Bolster. These are things I need to take care of the most important things on my list. I spent one hour this morning and need to get off line and get back to it.
I can put the stuff I don't need right now into boxes and label "To Be Filed." That can wait till I get the taxes done. I have a number for VITA; this is affilliated with IRS but they help the consumer and they are volunteers. This is a great thing to have use of.
I have not filed any paperwork in SIX years!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Filing kills my back. But when my son was here a week ago I had him stack the two filing cabinets with the important stuff on top.
Crap I am tired but I cann't lay down just yet. I have to get medical bills ready (make copies) for the Food Stamp program and take them down there Tuesday. And then get the medical bills ready for the hearing for recertification for medicaid. That mess is their mistake and oh what a mistake it was.
Maybe I can squeeze in an hour nap later..........................
I have a need to be heard and it would help to be acknowledged too.
I struggle every day to stay solvent; to keep my home, to keep my vehicle running and pray it doesn't break down, to keep the self-defeating attitude at bay, to think positive thoughts about myself and my world and everything in it.
Some days I just can't win. I do have to pat myself on the back I am still afloat. I have managed to keep the bad guys away from me. Just barely I managed. But I am.
Some days I take a few steps forward and some days a few steps back; always the situation is degeneration and I am holding on for what I am not sure. I need to make a plan though.
I got some numbers so I can file for bankruptcy; to get the creditors off my back. I will not include the house as I want to keep it for as long as possible.
I am working on getting straight with the IRS; I haven't filed in a few years which is stupid for many reasons but they owe me lots of money! With all the medical bills wow! I can't seem to concentrate. I can't seem to get enough energy together and hold the pain at bay to take care of many things that I have to do.
I work on something for an hour or so and get discouraged because the pain escalates, I get fatigued, get frustrated, get up to rest and say "I will do these things when I feel better." Feeling better rarely happens because my body is breaking down to old age status because of the car accident and I have little or no control over the prognosis.
I am blessed and very happy about the good news concerning my heart. That is a break; a good break that was needed badly.
I am trying to decide what to do about Auto Owners and Jeff Bolster. They need to be socked in the wallet and as hard as I can manage. I had an idea the other day when looking for an attorney. I am having difficulty because of the gay issue. I think I will have better luck omitting it in my search. I have enough bad stuff to use and to file a lawsuit over without mentioning I am a lesbian. The angle with my mother's dying of breast cancer and my son's autism being used against me in deposition and mediation whould be enough.
Today, my chore is to go through all my unfiled paperwork; pull out all medical bills, tax stuff and stuff concerning Auto Owners and Bolster. These are things I need to take care of the most important things on my list. I spent one hour this morning and need to get off line and get back to it.
I can put the stuff I don't need right now into boxes and label "To Be Filed." That can wait till I get the taxes done. I have a number for VITA; this is affilliated with IRS but they help the consumer and they are volunteers. This is a great thing to have use of.
I have not filed any paperwork in SIX years!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Filing kills my back. But when my son was here a week ago I had him stack the two filing cabinets with the important stuff on top.
Crap I am tired but I cann't lay down just yet. I have to get medical bills ready (make copies) for the Food Stamp program and take them down there Tuesday. And then get the medical bills ready for the hearing for recertification for medicaid. That mess is their mistake and oh what a mistake it was.
Maybe I can squeeze in an hour nap later..........................
Letter to R. Looyenga CEO of Auto Owners Insurance Company
Mr. Roger L. Looyenga
CEO Auto Owners Insurance Company
6101 Anacapri Blvd.
Lansing, MI 48917
August 15, 2006
Dear Mr. Looyenga:
On your web page under Core Values the number one value out of ten is Honesty. My experience with Auto Owners proves this is a lie. I suppose that is just window dressing but otherwise completely meaningless considering our almost seven year history.
Today for some reason I googled your name and came up with a lot of personal information about you and the things you are interested in.
Such as giving speeches to different insurance groups around the country. Your philanthropist work for sick children. Your career and educational history. I even had a chance to see a photo of you and it was good to put a face to a name. You really look like a normal man and not someone who would be capable of deliberately destroying another human being.
The lawyer that was hired to defend Auto Owners in the lawsuit on the other hand does appear to be a destructive person and takes personal satisfaction from looking at someone in the face and knowing he is about to ruin their life and in fact take someone’s life. I don’t know what he has against me but in mediation I was asked by my lawyer BT and the mediator Judge S I knew Bolster in the past and what was our connection. They observed his intensity when dealing with me and it appeared to all of us that this was highly personal; his action against me.
As for Monica Gardener, she looked lost and like she wished a hole would open up so she could drop into and disappear distancing herself from the devastation in the mediation.
So this brings me to the present. The time that I feared has come; I am letting go of my home. I can no longer care for it. It was a dream of mine for many years to own my own home. I worked for a few years to save up to buy a house and get my credit perfect. I was successful and the complete process from signing the contract to purchase and closing was about three weeks and this was in Dec. 1997. I have loved this home intensely. I have spent countless hours turning the yard into a cottage type garden complete with my favorite perennials. I now have three weeks from moving day to get my family to help me dig up as much as possible and transfer to containers. I cannot leave my irises, columbines, hundreds of lilies and purple cone flowers. The bulbs (about 5,000) will have to stay as I do not have the energy to concern myself with digging them up nor the time. So I will grieve for this garden and the ones I left behind.
I am also giving my last dog to the humane society and moving back to Atlanta to be near my children so they can care for me. Johannes sister and mother died not too long ago from an illness that was unknown to me and I could not afford to take them to the vet. Tonight when I let him inside for the night I started sobbing at my betrayal of this very sweet and kind dog. Do you know someone who might give him a good home?
Please help me place Johannes so he won’t be destroyed. I don’t think I could live with that. He really is wonderful considering he is a Rottweiler and they have a bad rep. He does not. He is not very smart but makes up for it by his gentle nature.
I just don’t know what to say to you Mr. Looyenga that I have not already said to convince you how wrong it was the things that your company and the lawyer you hired did to me. I don’t want to get into all that again. I have included passages of different letters I have sent to the following persons who work for your company.
Your company and your lawyer inflicted severe emotional and financial stress on me during the time before the day of mediation and that day as well. You set on me a snarling and rapid dog; your intention was to cause me financial ruin and the ruination of my health. Is that right?
Do you know what it feels like to have a heart attack? It hurts a great deal. But even worse than that it is scary. Well I had a heart attack on March 14 2006; it has been coming for a long time. The sedentary life I was forced to lead after I was hurt in that accident 12/31/1999 began with the damaged knee, the nerve damage and subsequent intractable pain and also hypertension, elevated cholesterol, elevated glucose levels which are very close to diabetes type 2. The heart attack left me with heart failure and an ejection fraction of 30 percent. In other words, my life has been jeopardized. I feel like you would not have wanted this to happen to anyone. Who would? But it did happen.
Your company did not cause the original accident. But the blame for everything else can be laid on your side. Your company took away the tools I needed to help me stay well and the stress inflicted caused irreversible damage to my heart. The actions of your company caused so much stress on me I can’t begin to describe it. It has harmed my family as well.
Your company also caused the end of two relationships I was involved in. The first one ended about four months after the accident; this person could not deal with what she observed happening to my body. The other one ended eight days after the heart attack. My then partner and best friend for over six years walked out on me telling my sister in the hospital that she could not stand by and watch me die. So I have had to go it alone through all the trials and tribulations of the car accident, the injuries, treatments and the losses. I am a strong woman but some things are just too much to bear or deal with over the long haul. Well I was a strong woman and by moving to be with my family perhaps I can gain something back. We hope so anyway.
My grandson M a few years ago (right after the mediation) began asking questions about the accident and what was happening with me. I explained what happened the best way I could. He asked me “Grandma Cookie, do you hate the lady who hit you and caused all this trouble?” I said, “No M, it was just an accident. That lady seemed to be nice and she would not be the kind of person who would wish these bad things on someone else. M, I do have bad feelings for the lawyer though. When you are older I will explain what happened. It is too much for you to deal with right now at your age.” He was 11 then. My grand-daughter A said she hated that woman and I explained the harm hating does to self and that the accident was just that an accident and not on purpose.
I think it is only right that I begin the process of suing your company for intention infliction of emotional distress. I have to find out first if I can file the lawsuit in Atlanta. I read that recently Auto Owners lost a case in Florida in a Bad Faith lawsuit and it cost your company $7 million dollars. I have got to try and recuperate the losses inflicted on me by your company and Jeff Bolster. If this happened to you or someone in your family; wouldn’t you think it was only right and far to sue that company?
My credit is in shambles when before it was excellent. I will probably never be able to buy another home or vehicle. I will voluntarily have to surrender this house. The house is not in the best of neighborhoods and there are already 10 for sale signs here.
K, the city where I live was hit with the worst lay off in North Carolina’s history; over 5,000 people lost their jobs at Pillow Tex less than two years ago. So the economy here is terrible and so is the housing market. There is no way with my poor health that I can continue to live in this house in hopes of the economy getting better so I can sell it and make some sort of profit to buy a place in Atlanta.
So I am forced into renting a one bedroom apartment and surrendering this house back to the Bank. How I hate the thought of renting and no longer having my own home and garden. I love my house despite the neighborhood. I spent many happy hours alone with my thoughts while my hands were in the dirt creating art in the form of a cottage garden. My garden changed the face of our neighborhood. You can see hundreds of butterflies here; so many types of birds especially the families of cardinals and yellow finches who have made a home here in my yard.
I remember one day when all three of my dogs were still alive. They were wandering around the large butterfly bush in the back yard. A huge monarch butterfly settled itself on Johannes’s head; opening and closing his wings while my dog was completely unaware of this butterfly sitting on his head.
Another time Midnight, my oldest cat escaped from the house. All three of my cats are indoor furr babies. He ran out the door and ran to the closet flower bed that was bursting with blooms and huge bumble bees. Midnight loves to stick his nose into the center of flowers so he was busy doing that and all of a sudden this bee caught his eye. He jerked his head back suddenly and you could almost hear him yelling “Whoa! What is that?”
I also caught him sniffing the orange lilies which were in a vase on my kitchen table. I walked into the kitchen and caught him in the act. He pulled his face away and looked at me like “what are you looking at?” He is a black cat and he was wearing an orange mask made of pollen!
I do apologize for the length of this letter but there are situations that you should be aware of; since your position is one of high importance your employees probably have not informed you of me and my situation with your company. I would love to think that you know nothing of what has transpired.
I am very ill presently with little hope of getting much better. I do feel living close to my children will be a very positive move and I pray it does have a positive affect on my health. I sleep between 12 and 16 hours at a time. It is a combination of many factors such as all the medications which many cause drowsiness; the incredible heat here in NC has had a negative affect, the heart failure from the heart attack makes patients feel tired and so does having an ejection fraction of 30 percent. The day before the heart attack I had a stress test and they used dobutaline to stimulate my heart like I had been exercising hard, they used this iv med because I cannot walk on the treadmill and there was no chance to get my heart up to the required rate.
Presently these are my medications:
Cymbalta 90 mg once a day
Oxycotin 20 mg three times a day
Valium 5mg and Celebrex 200mg as needed for pain and anxiety.
Crestor once a day
Plavix 75mg once a day
Aspirin 81 mg once a day
Wellbutrin once a day
Lopressor twice a day
Lisinopril 10 mg once a day
I once again loose Medicaid at the end of this month and have no idea how to pay for these medications.
In conclusion I am enclosing a time line for your attention. It makes it very clear the terrible things I have been forced to endure and the damage your company has inflicted upon me and my losses I have endured as well. How much do you think all these doctor appointments and surgical procedures cost? One hell of a lot more than the $21,000 that ya’ll settled on me you can be sure of this.
Mr. Looyenga, this letter has given you the opportunity to get to know me and that I am not some sort of flake or lawsuit bunny. I am a normal person and something bad happened to me that was not my fault. This was all further complicated by the events of the lawsuit my lawyer filed against your company. And all these events have led to tragic results. It is my intention to let you get to know my family as well. I have a lot of video tape I will share with you. I also have video tape of me walking, running, playing, planning a baby shower for my daughter B and me running around in high heels for a few hours being the hostess.
I am also going to introduce you to my grandchildren of whom there are now seven of them. M is the eldest at 12 and a brainy but sweet boy. B is 12 and she is my step-grand-daughter through the marriage of my daughter B. A is now 11 and she is B’s first child. Then there is S, sister of B another one of my step-grand-daughters; what a pretty teenager she is and very sweet. N is almost four and looks like a future line backer for the Atlanta Falcons and he loves dinosaurs and we play dinosaur games when I visit. He is the brother of B and S and he also calls me Grandma Cookie. Now comes Z who was adopted three years ago by my daughter B. Z birth parents are from Somalia and this precious child is incredibly beautiful, completely spoiled and so smart! She is going to be very tall and her birth mother looks like the famous model Imam. And last but not least is J who was born on Jan. 25th the second and last child of my daughter B and her husband J. His name is JT but we call him JT and he is such a sweet laid back baby. He can spend alone time just playing with his toes and be a perfectly happy cuddly baby which is what I love a nice dimply baby that loves to be held and cuddled. He rarely cries and that is only when he is hungry.
I should have written this letter two years ago and maybe the problems between us could have been resolved.
Thank you for taking the time to read this letter. I would love to hear back from you.
Sincerely,
nac
Excerpts from letters written to your employees, co-workers and lawyer. Only Mr. Froman has sent a letter back and it was a threat of a lawsuit against me if I didn’t stop telling people about this case. I told him to bring it on.
Claim #35-00120-00
The name of persons I have sent letters to.
Mr. Edwin R Skinner
Ms. Carolyn Gilgen
Mr. John W. Fisher
Mr. R. L. Looyenga
Mr. John W. Fisher
Mr. Greg L. Cornell
Mr. Ron Simon
Ms. Monica Gardner
Mr. Thomas Froman
I never did mail this letter. It wan't do any good because those people have feelings only for $$$$$$$$$$ and they must not be human.
CEO Auto Owners Insurance Company
6101 Anacapri Blvd.
Lansing, MI 48917
August 15, 2006
Dear Mr. Looyenga:
On your web page under Core Values the number one value out of ten is Honesty. My experience with Auto Owners proves this is a lie. I suppose that is just window dressing but otherwise completely meaningless considering our almost seven year history.
Today for some reason I googled your name and came up with a lot of personal information about you and the things you are interested in.
Such as giving speeches to different insurance groups around the country. Your philanthropist work for sick children. Your career and educational history. I even had a chance to see a photo of you and it was good to put a face to a name. You really look like a normal man and not someone who would be capable of deliberately destroying another human being.
The lawyer that was hired to defend Auto Owners in the lawsuit on the other hand does appear to be a destructive person and takes personal satisfaction from looking at someone in the face and knowing he is about to ruin their life and in fact take someone’s life. I don’t know what he has against me but in mediation I was asked by my lawyer BT and the mediator Judge S I knew Bolster in the past and what was our connection. They observed his intensity when dealing with me and it appeared to all of us that this was highly personal; his action against me.
As for Monica Gardener, she looked lost and like she wished a hole would open up so she could drop into and disappear distancing herself from the devastation in the mediation.
So this brings me to the present. The time that I feared has come; I am letting go of my home. I can no longer care for it. It was a dream of mine for many years to own my own home. I worked for a few years to save up to buy a house and get my credit perfect. I was successful and the complete process from signing the contract to purchase and closing was about three weeks and this was in Dec. 1997. I have loved this home intensely. I have spent countless hours turning the yard into a cottage type garden complete with my favorite perennials. I now have three weeks from moving day to get my family to help me dig up as much as possible and transfer to containers. I cannot leave my irises, columbines, hundreds of lilies and purple cone flowers. The bulbs (about 5,000) will have to stay as I do not have the energy to concern myself with digging them up nor the time. So I will grieve for this garden and the ones I left behind.
I am also giving my last dog to the humane society and moving back to Atlanta to be near my children so they can care for me. Johannes sister and mother died not too long ago from an illness that was unknown to me and I could not afford to take them to the vet. Tonight when I let him inside for the night I started sobbing at my betrayal of this very sweet and kind dog. Do you know someone who might give him a good home?
Please help me place Johannes so he won’t be destroyed. I don’t think I could live with that. He really is wonderful considering he is a Rottweiler and they have a bad rep. He does not. He is not very smart but makes up for it by his gentle nature.
I just don’t know what to say to you Mr. Looyenga that I have not already said to convince you how wrong it was the things that your company and the lawyer you hired did to me. I don’t want to get into all that again. I have included passages of different letters I have sent to the following persons who work for your company.
Your company and your lawyer inflicted severe emotional and financial stress on me during the time before the day of mediation and that day as well. You set on me a snarling and rapid dog; your intention was to cause me financial ruin and the ruination of my health. Is that right?
Do you know what it feels like to have a heart attack? It hurts a great deal. But even worse than that it is scary. Well I had a heart attack on March 14 2006; it has been coming for a long time. The sedentary life I was forced to lead after I was hurt in that accident 12/31/1999 began with the damaged knee, the nerve damage and subsequent intractable pain and also hypertension, elevated cholesterol, elevated glucose levels which are very close to diabetes type 2. The heart attack left me with heart failure and an ejection fraction of 30 percent. In other words, my life has been jeopardized. I feel like you would not have wanted this to happen to anyone. Who would? But it did happen.
Your company did not cause the original accident. But the blame for everything else can be laid on your side. Your company took away the tools I needed to help me stay well and the stress inflicted caused irreversible damage to my heart. The actions of your company caused so much stress on me I can’t begin to describe it. It has harmed my family as well.
Your company also caused the end of two relationships I was involved in. The first one ended about four months after the accident; this person could not deal with what she observed happening to my body. The other one ended eight days after the heart attack. My then partner and best friend for over six years walked out on me telling my sister in the hospital that she could not stand by and watch me die. So I have had to go it alone through all the trials and tribulations of the car accident, the injuries, treatments and the losses. I am a strong woman but some things are just too much to bear or deal with over the long haul. Well I was a strong woman and by moving to be with my family perhaps I can gain something back. We hope so anyway.
My grandson M a few years ago (right after the mediation) began asking questions about the accident and what was happening with me. I explained what happened the best way I could. He asked me “Grandma Cookie, do you hate the lady who hit you and caused all this trouble?” I said, “No M, it was just an accident. That lady seemed to be nice and she would not be the kind of person who would wish these bad things on someone else. M, I do have bad feelings for the lawyer though. When you are older I will explain what happened. It is too much for you to deal with right now at your age.” He was 11 then. My grand-daughter A said she hated that woman and I explained the harm hating does to self and that the accident was just that an accident and not on purpose.
I think it is only right that I begin the process of suing your company for intention infliction of emotional distress. I have to find out first if I can file the lawsuit in Atlanta. I read that recently Auto Owners lost a case in Florida in a Bad Faith lawsuit and it cost your company $7 million dollars. I have got to try and recuperate the losses inflicted on me by your company and Jeff Bolster. If this happened to you or someone in your family; wouldn’t you think it was only right and far to sue that company?
My credit is in shambles when before it was excellent. I will probably never be able to buy another home or vehicle. I will voluntarily have to surrender this house. The house is not in the best of neighborhoods and there are already 10 for sale signs here.
K, the city where I live was hit with the worst lay off in North Carolina’s history; over 5,000 people lost their jobs at Pillow Tex less than two years ago. So the economy here is terrible and so is the housing market. There is no way with my poor health that I can continue to live in this house in hopes of the economy getting better so I can sell it and make some sort of profit to buy a place in Atlanta.
So I am forced into renting a one bedroom apartment and surrendering this house back to the Bank. How I hate the thought of renting and no longer having my own home and garden. I love my house despite the neighborhood. I spent many happy hours alone with my thoughts while my hands were in the dirt creating art in the form of a cottage garden. My garden changed the face of our neighborhood. You can see hundreds of butterflies here; so many types of birds especially the families of cardinals and yellow finches who have made a home here in my yard.
I remember one day when all three of my dogs were still alive. They were wandering around the large butterfly bush in the back yard. A huge monarch butterfly settled itself on Johannes’s head; opening and closing his wings while my dog was completely unaware of this butterfly sitting on his head.
Another time Midnight, my oldest cat escaped from the house. All three of my cats are indoor furr babies. He ran out the door and ran to the closet flower bed that was bursting with blooms and huge bumble bees. Midnight loves to stick his nose into the center of flowers so he was busy doing that and all of a sudden this bee caught his eye. He jerked his head back suddenly and you could almost hear him yelling “Whoa! What is that?”
I also caught him sniffing the orange lilies which were in a vase on my kitchen table. I walked into the kitchen and caught him in the act. He pulled his face away and looked at me like “what are you looking at?” He is a black cat and he was wearing an orange mask made of pollen!
I do apologize for the length of this letter but there are situations that you should be aware of; since your position is one of high importance your employees probably have not informed you of me and my situation with your company. I would love to think that you know nothing of what has transpired.
I am very ill presently with little hope of getting much better. I do feel living close to my children will be a very positive move and I pray it does have a positive affect on my health. I sleep between 12 and 16 hours at a time. It is a combination of many factors such as all the medications which many cause drowsiness; the incredible heat here in NC has had a negative affect, the heart failure from the heart attack makes patients feel tired and so does having an ejection fraction of 30 percent. The day before the heart attack I had a stress test and they used dobutaline to stimulate my heart like I had been exercising hard, they used this iv med because I cannot walk on the treadmill and there was no chance to get my heart up to the required rate.
Presently these are my medications:
Cymbalta 90 mg once a day
Oxycotin 20 mg three times a day
Valium 5mg and Celebrex 200mg as needed for pain and anxiety.
Crestor once a day
Plavix 75mg once a day
Aspirin 81 mg once a day
Wellbutrin once a day
Lopressor twice a day
Lisinopril 10 mg once a day
I once again loose Medicaid at the end of this month and have no idea how to pay for these medications.
In conclusion I am enclosing a time line for your attention. It makes it very clear the terrible things I have been forced to endure and the damage your company has inflicted upon me and my losses I have endured as well. How much do you think all these doctor appointments and surgical procedures cost? One hell of a lot more than the $21,000 that ya’ll settled on me you can be sure of this.
Mr. Looyenga, this letter has given you the opportunity to get to know me and that I am not some sort of flake or lawsuit bunny. I am a normal person and something bad happened to me that was not my fault. This was all further complicated by the events of the lawsuit my lawyer filed against your company. And all these events have led to tragic results. It is my intention to let you get to know my family as well. I have a lot of video tape I will share with you. I also have video tape of me walking, running, playing, planning a baby shower for my daughter B and me running around in high heels for a few hours being the hostess.
I am also going to introduce you to my grandchildren of whom there are now seven of them. M is the eldest at 12 and a brainy but sweet boy. B is 12 and she is my step-grand-daughter through the marriage of my daughter B. A is now 11 and she is B’s first child. Then there is S, sister of B another one of my step-grand-daughters; what a pretty teenager she is and very sweet. N is almost four and looks like a future line backer for the Atlanta Falcons and he loves dinosaurs and we play dinosaur games when I visit. He is the brother of B and S and he also calls me Grandma Cookie. Now comes Z who was adopted three years ago by my daughter B. Z birth parents are from Somalia and this precious child is incredibly beautiful, completely spoiled and so smart! She is going to be very tall and her birth mother looks like the famous model Imam. And last but not least is J who was born on Jan. 25th the second and last child of my daughter B and her husband J. His name is JT but we call him JT and he is such a sweet laid back baby. He can spend alone time just playing with his toes and be a perfectly happy cuddly baby which is what I love a nice dimply baby that loves to be held and cuddled. He rarely cries and that is only when he is hungry.
I should have written this letter two years ago and maybe the problems between us could have been resolved.
Thank you for taking the time to read this letter. I would love to hear back from you.
Sincerely,
nac
Excerpts from letters written to your employees, co-workers and lawyer. Only Mr. Froman has sent a letter back and it was a threat of a lawsuit against me if I didn’t stop telling people about this case. I told him to bring it on.
Claim #35-00120-00
The name of persons I have sent letters to.
Mr. Edwin R Skinner
Ms. Carolyn Gilgen
Mr. John W. Fisher
Mr. R. L. Looyenga
Mr. John W. Fisher
Mr. Greg L. Cornell
Mr. Ron Simon
Ms. Monica Gardner
Mr. Thomas Froman
I never did mail this letter. It wan't do any good because those people have feelings only for $$$$$$$$$$ and they must not be human.
Friday, September 01, 2006
Fighting for Medicaid and Food Stamps:
As of today, my food stamps have been reduced from $152 a month to $10! And they have taken away Medicaid! What the f**k am I going to do now?
My expenses are more than my income now even with getting those food stamps and paying $3 per script. Generic Oxycotin costs $4 for each pill and I take three a day for this terrible pain. My heart meds. The anti-depressants? The Celebrex for the arthritis? This has gone from bad to worse.
I got a final notice for my property tax saying they were going to confiscate my vehicle, put a lein on my house and take money out of my checking account.
I am being sued by Discover Card too. I have yet to answer the summons; I have four days left. I am certainly going to tell them exactly what happened in that court room. Naming companies and names. There is no way I can afford to pay them. I am waiting for Master Card and Sears to sue me next.
I have decided to call Legal Aid to see if they can assist me to file bankruptcy and I will be very detailed as to why it happened that I cannot pay my bills. It was no fault of mine.
I am going to write all three credit reporting companies as well; giving the truth and naming names/companies.
I found out that the stature of limitations to file a lawsuit against Jeff Bolster and Auto Owners has not run out. I also found out that I am considered an indigent and will not have to pay one cent to file the lawsuits agains them in Mecklenberg County. So I have written to ask for the forms to be sent to me so I can file in Superior Court. That is where I have to file because I am filing for more than $10,000 so it has to go there. I will start the process pro se and keep looking for a lawyer.
The lawyer (Levan & P something or another) in Florida that won a $7 million Bad Faith against Auto Owners said he is going to help me find a lawyer in NC that will take them on. So this is good news and it makes me feel more confident that I will be able to have my day in court and let a jury hear what they did to me. I also talked to another lawyer in Tallahassee, FL that told me Auto Owners are nasty and bad bad insurance company.
My expenses are more than my income now even with getting those food stamps and paying $3 per script. Generic Oxycotin costs $4 for each pill and I take three a day for this terrible pain. My heart meds. The anti-depressants? The Celebrex for the arthritis? This has gone from bad to worse.
I got a final notice for my property tax saying they were going to confiscate my vehicle, put a lein on my house and take money out of my checking account.
I am being sued by Discover Card too. I have yet to answer the summons; I have four days left. I am certainly going to tell them exactly what happened in that court room. Naming companies and names. There is no way I can afford to pay them. I am waiting for Master Card and Sears to sue me next.
I have decided to call Legal Aid to see if they can assist me to file bankruptcy and I will be very detailed as to why it happened that I cannot pay my bills. It was no fault of mine.
I am going to write all three credit reporting companies as well; giving the truth and naming names/companies.
I found out that the stature of limitations to file a lawsuit against Jeff Bolster and Auto Owners has not run out. I also found out that I am considered an indigent and will not have to pay one cent to file the lawsuits agains them in Mecklenberg County. So I have written to ask for the forms to be sent to me so I can file in Superior Court. That is where I have to file because I am filing for more than $10,000 so it has to go there. I will start the process pro se and keep looking for a lawyer.
The lawyer (Levan & P something or another) in Florida that won a $7 million Bad Faith against Auto Owners said he is going to help me find a lawyer in NC that will take them on. So this is good news and it makes me feel more confident that I will be able to have my day in court and let a jury hear what they did to me. I also talked to another lawyer in Tallahassee, FL that told me Auto Owners are nasty and bad bad insurance company.
At Long Last A Break:
I finally got the first real break since the car accident concerning my health. I went to the new cardiologist today for some testing to be done. I had a thalium scan with and without isotope tracers; a stress test, an echo and lab work.
The stress test revealed that my heart had completely healed, he said if he didn't know better he would not be able to tell that I had had a heart attack. My ejection fraction has improved greatly! It was 65% the day before the HA, after the HA it was 30% (the heart begins to die at 15%). Today it was 69% which is a high normal. The ventricles have completely healed and working great. I am so happy that I am walking on air!
I called my daughters right outside the clinic when I got home to share the good news; we all cried with relief. I feel like my life is now being given back to me and I have a second chance at life.
I saw my shrink on Monday and she feels the sleeping so many hours during the day is because of depression. My brain and body is tired from all the stressors of the past six years, the financial problems and the health problems have been just too much for me to handle. She said I have post-tramatic stress disorder from the chain of events which happened after the car accident. So we are working on that issue now.
I am now enrolled in group therapy beginning the Monday after Labor Day. Dr. G also wanted me to see a clinician that day. She asked me if I had had thoughts of suicide recently and I answered yes. She asked me what prevented me from doing it and how did I handle it. I said the thoughts of my kids, grandchildren and pets prevented me from doing it. They would suffer when I took the cowards way out.
So I saw A, and we talked for over an hour. She let me know that I do need to come in when ever I feel that bad. They have clinicians on call 24/7/365 that can help me. I was not aware of that.
I also fessed up with her about what happened to me during the lawsuit with Auto Owners Insurance Company; I had never told anyone at Daymark Recovery about this terrible thing.
A said, "I adnire you so much Nancy; this is a courageous and loyal thing you did to take a financial hit like that to protect your two friends is a wonderful thing. You should be very proud. And when you started telling me about this you started off by saying that if you had it to do all over you would do the same thing makes it all the more evident that you are so loyal and trustworth with your family and friends."
She also said that if she had to choose someone for a friend it would be me; that I was a much better person than the lawyer for Auto Owners and a better person that all the people working for Auto Owners who were part of the decision to hurt me. She said this kind of loyalty is hard to find and I should be so proud. I told her I learned that from my mother and grandfather.
And yes, even though the outcome was disasterous, I hurt my family and myself a lot, I would protect my friends in a heartbeat; I would do it again.
Funny they don't even know what I did. I never told them about it. The only thing I ever said on the day of the deposition was "if someone named Jeff Bolster calls you do not answer the phone!"
The stress test revealed that my heart had completely healed, he said if he didn't know better he would not be able to tell that I had had a heart attack. My ejection fraction has improved greatly! It was 65% the day before the HA, after the HA it was 30% (the heart begins to die at 15%). Today it was 69% which is a high normal. The ventricles have completely healed and working great. I am so happy that I am walking on air!
I called my daughters right outside the clinic when I got home to share the good news; we all cried with relief. I feel like my life is now being given back to me and I have a second chance at life.
I saw my shrink on Monday and she feels the sleeping so many hours during the day is because of depression. My brain and body is tired from all the stressors of the past six years, the financial problems and the health problems have been just too much for me to handle. She said I have post-tramatic stress disorder from the chain of events which happened after the car accident. So we are working on that issue now.
I am now enrolled in group therapy beginning the Monday after Labor Day. Dr. G also wanted me to see a clinician that day. She asked me if I had had thoughts of suicide recently and I answered yes. She asked me what prevented me from doing it and how did I handle it. I said the thoughts of my kids, grandchildren and pets prevented me from doing it. They would suffer when I took the cowards way out.
So I saw A, and we talked for over an hour. She let me know that I do need to come in when ever I feel that bad. They have clinicians on call 24/7/365 that can help me. I was not aware of that.
I also fessed up with her about what happened to me during the lawsuit with Auto Owners Insurance Company; I had never told anyone at Daymark Recovery about this terrible thing.
A said, "I adnire you so much Nancy; this is a courageous and loyal thing you did to take a financial hit like that to protect your two friends is a wonderful thing. You should be very proud. And when you started telling me about this you started off by saying that if you had it to do all over you would do the same thing makes it all the more evident that you are so loyal and trustworth with your family and friends."
She also said that if she had to choose someone for a friend it would be me; that I was a much better person than the lawyer for Auto Owners and a better person that all the people working for Auto Owners who were part of the decision to hurt me. She said this kind of loyalty is hard to find and I should be so proud. I told her I learned that from my mother and grandfather.
And yes, even though the outcome was disasterous, I hurt my family and myself a lot, I would protect my friends in a heartbeat; I would do it again.
Funny they don't even know what I did. I never told them about it. The only thing I ever said on the day of the deposition was "if someone named Jeff Bolster calls you do not answer the phone!"
Sunday, August 27, 2006
Communcating Before Taking my pain medications:
I am jist going to type this without any corrections just the way I feel when Ihaven't had my medicaton yet. I laid dwon in the afternoon it was still light but I can't remember the time. I woke up a little several times by noise on the tv and regonized the program and wnet back to sleep. I can't remember what time. I am trying to ermember.
I hurt so much right now. My meds are out of the bottles and sitting to my left but I want to do this post when I am in my normal mode without any artifical stuff. Right now the inside of my left thigh is burning where it is rubbing against the leather chair. I can feel burning shooting through the skin on my back, I have a slight headache in the back of my neck, I have small electrical tiney shooting pains on my left shoulder oops that is gone now it is my left knee hurting badly. I will turn the stimulator on in a minute.
My back is killing me lots of pressure at the surgical implant site. I feel hot and sweaty. I am having a lot of trouble typing because I canot concentrate because of all the pains shooting through my body. I feel big burn in my ribs under my breast right now.
I can't do this. It hurts too much everywhere to sit her.
I hurt so much right now. My meds are out of the bottles and sitting to my left but I want to do this post when I am in my normal mode without any artifical stuff. Right now the inside of my left thigh is burning where it is rubbing against the leather chair. I can feel burning shooting through the skin on my back, I have a slight headache in the back of my neck, I have small electrical tiney shooting pains on my left shoulder oops that is gone now it is my left knee hurting badly. I will turn the stimulator on in a minute.
My back is killing me lots of pressure at the surgical implant site. I feel hot and sweaty. I am having a lot of trouble typing because I canot concentrate because of all the pains shooting through my body. I feel big burn in my ribs under my breast right now.
I can't do this. It hurts too much everywhere to sit her.
Saturday, August 26, 2006
State Farm Is Getting What Is Coming To Them:
I watched last night's 20/20 with Brian Ross and it was about the grossest of Bad Faith practices by State Farm in order to avoid paying many many claims resulting from Hurrican Katrina. If anyone is interested in seeing this report go to www.abcnews.com and check the archives for 8/25/2006 20/20.
I have had State Farm insurance for my car and homeowners since 1991. I am giving serious consideration to canceling and going with another company. But I will check with the Bad Faith web site first.
State Farm is #2 on there. Auto Owners is #25. Geico is on the bad guys list and I was surprised by this. I love that little geco and can't believe HE would lie to us! The little green s**t!
I have had State Farm insurance for my car and homeowners since 1991. I am giving serious consideration to canceling and going with another company. But I will check with the Bad Faith web site first.
State Farm is #2 on there. Auto Owners is #25. Geico is on the bad guys list and I was surprised by this. I love that little geco and can't believe HE would lie to us! The little green s**t!
What is Fibromyalgia and What Does It Feel Like:
I have notes here on my pc and will be posting them later.
If I don't make some changes and take control
This is an edit on August 27th at 10 pm. When I am finished I am going to go watch the Emmies and eat a banana.
away from persons I feel are my enemies; it is going to harm me. Anger is according to Dr. Phil rage turned inwards.
A friend told me today; that those people do not give me one single thought. That they could care less about the past, present or future of mine. That I should let go.
Okay I have to let go. I will let go when I find a lawyer who is an expert in this area, turn everything over to her/him and let them handle it. I am not going to sit around waiting. That will be their job. When it gets to court? That will be my moment to savor.
In the meantime, I am going to be very patient with myself, get the Day Timer out to get organized and accomplish things that need to be done and take time each day; quiet time to meditate and do something pleasant and soothing each day. I want to get back into the yoga and restart the Tai Chi. I love Tai Chi because my body can do these slow moves. I have a walker nearby to hold onto when there is some balancing on one leg to be done like The Tree.
I had a homemade large chicken salad today, one banana and one pineapple low fat yogurt. Maybe some salt and butter free and a diet coke with the Emmies is a good idea.
I am not eating right. Eating snack foods and yogurt. A lot of ice cream and cookies. I don't care about food all that much. The only thing I can get worked up about is getting rid of the pain for another six to eight hours. That is how I am living from pain pill to pain pill and sleeping in between times.
I am doing some artwork, a little each day. That helps a little for awhile.
I don't see people unless it is at the pharmacy, the phone company, Duke Power, the doctors. I see no one. My family comes up from Atlanta from time to time. I hurt too much, I am too tired, I am too depressed to make the effort to get out there to meet folks and socialize. Why should I bother? They don't want to see or hear how much I hurt or how much my life sucks!
I am just waiting on hope. Waiting for something to come along to get me to Atlanta to be with my family. I am living for that time. In the meantime I am doing everything I can to pay for my home, keep the utilities on, to make sure I can buy my medications, to take care of my pets and try to take care of me.
I am scared. I am scared of what is going to come first; a complete failure here and I loose everything, I get so sick that I could die waiting or that some miracle happens and I get to move to be close to my kids.
My kids help me as much as they can. But they have families and obligations of their own so I cannot ask for help but rarely. B keeps saying everything will be great, okay, we will take care of you WHEN you move here. And I keep asking myself how I am going to live till that happends. What about now? I have to make it through now to get to there.
I need to dig down deep inside and come up with some strength, some energy from within to beat this thing. I force myself to eat right. I force myself to get on a regular schedule. To force myself to exercise. To force myself to stay awake. I am not sure how much strength there is left inside after six going on seven years of struggling to maintain my life.
Some thing has got to happen quickly. The situation I am in is very unhealthy. Something has got to give. I need a break. For all my hard work all my life I need a reward not to be punished like I have been. My worst punishment has come from strangers. The decision makers at Auto Owners Insurance Company and their greedy pig of a lawyer. I still can't believe he did this to me and got paid for it.
Funny, Monica Gardened did tell my lawyer Bill that there was $50,000 set aside for my medical problems and compensation for what happened to me. And that is exactly what they paid Jeff Bolster; %50,000. My lawyer told me about that. They paid him my money to destroy me how ironic. How cruel.
See I do have reason to hate those people. But is that going to help me live? That is on me. I am stuck here.
I am so stuck here. The real estate market is terrible. It is particularly bad here because of Pillowtex going out. This little town of 20,000 people had the worst lay off in the history of NC; 5,000 out of 20,000 people got laid off less than two years ago. There are for sale signs everywhere. I called WE BUY UGLY HOUSES two weeks ago and they are so busy they have not had time to get here.
I have to sell this house at some profit so I can pay off the balance of the loan and have some money left over to get a place to live. My credit is so bad I will never be able to buy a house again. I doubt if I would be able to even rent an apartment. They consider credit highly, I am not working and while I was waiting for disability I was late on the mortgage a few times. The last time it was almost sixty days. There is no way any apartment community would approve my application.
So I have to stay here and pay the mortgage for the time being. It is less than any rent I would pay in GA. And it is already mine. I am trying to wait out the bad housing market. But the thing is that the housing market just started going bad. This could last for years. I am so screwed!
I have nothing set aside for emergencies. If the water heater breaks I cannot replace it. The a/c in the house is broken. The a/c in my truck is broken. I can't afford to fix either of them. I just pray that nothing more breaks. If the heater is broken I am terribly screwed. I have a window a/c and stay in my bedroom with the door almost shut to keep my room cool. It works. But when I have to clean or do anything else out of my bedroon; I sweat like a pig. My cardiologists warned me not to get overheated that is was very bad on my heart.
Ya know if I had done something stupid like break the law getting into this terrible predicament I could accept it better I think. I would know that I had screwed up by doing something stupid and wrong. But I did not do anything wrong to cause this. That really gets me sometimes. I was just having a long breakfast with a good friend and we were cutting up and telling jokes. Then Mrs. M plowed into me.
I am in this predicament through no fault of my own. I did nothing wrong. They did! And so far they have gotten away with it. And I am locked into this terrible situation waiting for the bottom to fall out. And it will. There is no way to continue like this indefinitely. That is impossible. Bad things keep happening.
I can't believe they cut my food stamps from $152 to 10! I can't believe that I will loose medicaid and the ability to buy the medications I need to survive in just a few days. I could just freaking scream!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have thought about going to Jeff Bolster's office and scream and scream and scream there. I am serious about this. And go to the office here of Auto Owners and scream out my rage. I would get locked up for sure.
Anyone reading this, do you have any idead of what I can do to help myself? Anything!
away from persons I feel are my enemies; it is going to harm me. Anger is according to Dr. Phil rage turned inwards.
A friend told me today; that those people do not give me one single thought. That they could care less about the past, present or future of mine. That I should let go.
Okay I have to let go. I will let go when I find a lawyer who is an expert in this area, turn everything over to her/him and let them handle it. I am not going to sit around waiting. That will be their job. When it gets to court? That will be my moment to savor.
In the meantime, I am going to be very patient with myself, get the Day Timer out to get organized and accomplish things that need to be done and take time each day; quiet time to meditate and do something pleasant and soothing each day. I want to get back into the yoga and restart the Tai Chi. I love Tai Chi because my body can do these slow moves. I have a walker nearby to hold onto when there is some balancing on one leg to be done like The Tree.
I had a homemade large chicken salad today, one banana and one pineapple low fat yogurt. Maybe some salt and butter free and a diet coke with the Emmies is a good idea.
I am not eating right. Eating snack foods and yogurt. A lot of ice cream and cookies. I don't care about food all that much. The only thing I can get worked up about is getting rid of the pain for another six to eight hours. That is how I am living from pain pill to pain pill and sleeping in between times.
I am doing some artwork, a little each day. That helps a little for awhile.
I don't see people unless it is at the pharmacy, the phone company, Duke Power, the doctors. I see no one. My family comes up from Atlanta from time to time. I hurt too much, I am too tired, I am too depressed to make the effort to get out there to meet folks and socialize. Why should I bother? They don't want to see or hear how much I hurt or how much my life sucks!
I am just waiting on hope. Waiting for something to come along to get me to Atlanta to be with my family. I am living for that time. In the meantime I am doing everything I can to pay for my home, keep the utilities on, to make sure I can buy my medications, to take care of my pets and try to take care of me.
I am scared. I am scared of what is going to come first; a complete failure here and I loose everything, I get so sick that I could die waiting or that some miracle happens and I get to move to be close to my kids.
My kids help me as much as they can. But they have families and obligations of their own so I cannot ask for help but rarely. B keeps saying everything will be great, okay, we will take care of you WHEN you move here. And I keep asking myself how I am going to live till that happends. What about now? I have to make it through now to get to there.
I need to dig down deep inside and come up with some strength, some energy from within to beat this thing. I force myself to eat right. I force myself to get on a regular schedule. To force myself to exercise. To force myself to stay awake. I am not sure how much strength there is left inside after six going on seven years of struggling to maintain my life.
Some thing has got to happen quickly. The situation I am in is very unhealthy. Something has got to give. I need a break. For all my hard work all my life I need a reward not to be punished like I have been. My worst punishment has come from strangers. The decision makers at Auto Owners Insurance Company and their greedy pig of a lawyer. I still can't believe he did this to me and got paid for it.
Funny, Monica Gardened did tell my lawyer Bill that there was $50,000 set aside for my medical problems and compensation for what happened to me. And that is exactly what they paid Jeff Bolster; %50,000. My lawyer told me about that. They paid him my money to destroy me how ironic. How cruel.
See I do have reason to hate those people. But is that going to help me live? That is on me. I am stuck here.
I am so stuck here. The real estate market is terrible. It is particularly bad here because of Pillowtex going out. This little town of 20,000 people had the worst lay off in the history of NC; 5,000 out of 20,000 people got laid off less than two years ago. There are for sale signs everywhere. I called WE BUY UGLY HOUSES two weeks ago and they are so busy they have not had time to get here.
I have to sell this house at some profit so I can pay off the balance of the loan and have some money left over to get a place to live. My credit is so bad I will never be able to buy a house again. I doubt if I would be able to even rent an apartment. They consider credit highly, I am not working and while I was waiting for disability I was late on the mortgage a few times. The last time it was almost sixty days. There is no way any apartment community would approve my application.
So I have to stay here and pay the mortgage for the time being. It is less than any rent I would pay in GA. And it is already mine. I am trying to wait out the bad housing market. But the thing is that the housing market just started going bad. This could last for years. I am so screwed!
I have nothing set aside for emergencies. If the water heater breaks I cannot replace it. The a/c in the house is broken. The a/c in my truck is broken. I can't afford to fix either of them. I just pray that nothing more breaks. If the heater is broken I am terribly screwed. I have a window a/c and stay in my bedroom with the door almost shut to keep my room cool. It works. But when I have to clean or do anything else out of my bedroon; I sweat like a pig. My cardiologists warned me not to get overheated that is was very bad on my heart.
Ya know if I had done something stupid like break the law getting into this terrible predicament I could accept it better I think. I would know that I had screwed up by doing something stupid and wrong. But I did not do anything wrong to cause this. That really gets me sometimes. I was just having a long breakfast with a good friend and we were cutting up and telling jokes. Then Mrs. M plowed into me.
I am in this predicament through no fault of my own. I did nothing wrong. They did! And so far they have gotten away with it. And I am locked into this terrible situation waiting for the bottom to fall out. And it will. There is no way to continue like this indefinitely. That is impossible. Bad things keep happening.
I can't believe they cut my food stamps from $152 to 10! I can't believe that I will loose medicaid and the ability to buy the medications I need to survive in just a few days. I could just freaking scream!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have thought about going to Jeff Bolster's office and scream and scream and scream there. I am serious about this. And go to the office here of Auto Owners and scream out my rage. I would get locked up for sure.
Anyone reading this, do you have any idead of what I can do to help myself? Anything!
What Does Myofacial Pain Syndrome Feel Like:
and what is it exactly?
Myofacial pain syndrome refers to an inflammation in the fascia of the body. This is a sticky like substance that covers all the organs, vessels, muscles, bones, etc. It is continuing without end. The fascia also acts as a highway eliminating toxins from the body.
We have all seen fascia but didn't know it at the time unless you have never seen raw chicken. The clear sticky substance covering the chicken is fascia.
When there is trauma to the body this fascia develops a lump or hard ropy band. Why I have no idea. There must be a reason as there are no accidents to body functions. These are called trigger points; they are extremely tender and left without treatment other trigger spots will develop in another location in the body.
When Dr. B first mentioned I had MFPS it was mostly in the muscle tissues surrounding the left knee. The inside of my knee was particularly painful. What does it feel like? It feels like you had been sitting outside for an hour on a sunny day without a sunscreen, came back inside to soak in a hot tub of water. That is exactly what a trigger point feels like when stimulated.
Now, after all these years my entire body is covered in trigger points. It is pretty awful. If I stub my toe or bump into things the pain is exaerbated ten fold. If one puts lotion on their hand and runs there hands down the length of say my entire calf muscle you will feel hard ropey bands, very bumpy road. The skin is tight and shiney from the inflammation in the trigger points.
The weirest thing about this disease is that if you press on a trigger point say in your neck; you may feel it in your right toe, or some other area. This proves that the fascia is indeed connected in some way in the body. I would not advise poking yourself too much because you could develop another trigger point. Dr. B says I have hundreds of them. That is why I get so much comfort lying in bed. That is the place where I feel the least pain. And am in the least danger of falling.
I have some information here in my pc that I will copy and poste too.
Myofacial pain syndrome refers to an inflammation in the fascia of the body. This is a sticky like substance that covers all the organs, vessels, muscles, bones, etc. It is continuing without end. The fascia also acts as a highway eliminating toxins from the body.
We have all seen fascia but didn't know it at the time unless you have never seen raw chicken. The clear sticky substance covering the chicken is fascia.
When there is trauma to the body this fascia develops a lump or hard ropy band. Why I have no idea. There must be a reason as there are no accidents to body functions. These are called trigger points; they are extremely tender and left without treatment other trigger spots will develop in another location in the body.
When Dr. B first mentioned I had MFPS it was mostly in the muscle tissues surrounding the left knee. The inside of my knee was particularly painful. What does it feel like? It feels like you had been sitting outside for an hour on a sunny day without a sunscreen, came back inside to soak in a hot tub of water. That is exactly what a trigger point feels like when stimulated.
Now, after all these years my entire body is covered in trigger points. It is pretty awful. If I stub my toe or bump into things the pain is exaerbated ten fold. If one puts lotion on their hand and runs there hands down the length of say my entire calf muscle you will feel hard ropey bands, very bumpy road. The skin is tight and shiney from the inflammation in the trigger points.
The weirest thing about this disease is that if you press on a trigger point say in your neck; you may feel it in your right toe, or some other area. This proves that the fascia is indeed connected in some way in the body. I would not advise poking yourself too much because you could develop another trigger point. Dr. B says I have hundreds of them. That is why I get so much comfort lying in bed. That is the place where I feel the least pain. And am in the least danger of falling.
I have some information here in my pc that I will copy and poste too.
Friday, August 25, 2006
Contact Info For Auto Owners Insurance Co. and Jeff Bolster:
The following information has been obtained from the internet and is seen by the general public:
Auto Owners Insurance Company
Landsing, MI
To Contact Us Directly:
Phone: (517) 323-1200 | Fax: (517) 323-8796
Hours: 8:00 a.m. to 4:30 p.m. | Monday through Friday | Eastern Time
http://www.auto-owners.com/other_svcs/contact_us.htm
Jeffrey S. Bolster
Member
The Bolster Law Firm, P.A.
1043 East Morehead Street, Suite 111
Charlotte, North Carolina 28204
(Mecklenburg Co.)
Telephone: 704-347-4884
Facsimile: 704-347-1087
Practice Areas: Insurance Defense; Insurance Coverage; Products Liability; Transportation; Construction Law; Environmental Law; Professional Malpractice
Admitted: 1994, North Carolina and U.S. District Court, Western and Middle Districts of North Carolina
Law School: Wake Forest University, J.D., 1994
College: University of North Carolina, B.A., 1990
Member: North Carolina Bar Association; North Carolina State Bar; North Carolina Association of Defense Attorneys; Defense Research Institute.
Born: Valdosta, Georgia, September 6, 1968
ISLN: 909771018
Web Site: http://www.bolsterlawfirm.com
Auto Owners Insurance Company
Landsing, MI
To Contact Us Directly:
Phone: (517) 323-1200 | Fax: (517) 323-8796
Hours: 8:00 a.m. to 4:30 p.m. | Monday through Friday | Eastern Time
http://www.auto-owners.com/other_svcs/contact_us.htm
Jeffrey S. Bolster
Member
The Bolster Law Firm, P.A.
1043 East Morehead Street, Suite 111
Charlotte, North Carolina 28204
(Mecklenburg Co.)
Telephone: 704-347-4884
Facsimile: 704-347-1087
Practice Areas: Insurance Defense; Insurance Coverage; Products Liability; Transportation; Construction Law; Environmental Law; Professional Malpractice
Admitted: 1994, North Carolina and U.S. District Court, Western and Middle Districts of North Carolina
Law School: Wake Forest University, J.D., 1994
College: University of North Carolina, B.A., 1990
Member: North Carolina Bar Association; North Carolina State Bar; North Carolina Association of Defense Attorneys; Defense Research Institute.
Born: Valdosta, Georgia, September 6, 1968
ISLN: 909771018
Web Site: http://www.bolsterlawfirm.com
Filing a Claim with NC Department of Insurance and NC Bar Association:
I filed these complaints rather quickly after the mediation. My attorney advised me not to open this can of worms. I think he was apprehensive because the weekend after the mediation he revealed two unethical things Bolster had done to his previous law partners.
First, the complaint to the NC Dept. of Insurance. It took a few months for this to make the rounds. They sent copies of my complaint and letter to the local office of Auto Owners and they had to answer to the dept. and the dept. had to forward their answer onto me. They denied all these alligations completely. And offered affadavits by all three attorneys present at the mediation; my lawyer, the mediator and their lawyer Jeff Bolster.
I wrote back to the dept. of insurance asking them to ask Auto Owners to provide these affidavits. This took awhile longer. Finally, Auto Owners wrote back to the dept. of insurance that Judge Saunders could not provide an affidavit because it was against the law for a mediator to reveal what happens in mediation. My lawyer never did send in his even though I gave him written permission to do so. Their lawyer Jeff Bolster said he did not have time to do this because he was very busy answering the claims I made against him with the NC Bar Association.
So bottom line, the promised affidavits never materialized. I am not sure if Auto Owners even got a warning from the dept. of Insurance.
I called the Bar Association to find out what was the result of my claims against Bolster. They said that the law would not allow them to tell me what they found out about Bolster. I nevre have heard what was done or said in that matter. I don't think this is right.
It is disgusting when an average person gets screwed over by a Fortune 500 company and their lawyers. The state in which I reside does not care about these things. They only care about the money these companies bring into the state. I have been so frustrated taking this on.
I am looking for an attorney now so I can sue them before the three year statute of limitations expires.
First, the complaint to the NC Dept. of Insurance. It took a few months for this to make the rounds. They sent copies of my complaint and letter to the local office of Auto Owners and they had to answer to the dept. and the dept. had to forward their answer onto me. They denied all these alligations completely. And offered affadavits by all three attorneys present at the mediation; my lawyer, the mediator and their lawyer Jeff Bolster.
I wrote back to the dept. of insurance asking them to ask Auto Owners to provide these affidavits. This took awhile longer. Finally, Auto Owners wrote back to the dept. of insurance that Judge Saunders could not provide an affidavit because it was against the law for a mediator to reveal what happens in mediation. My lawyer never did send in his even though I gave him written permission to do so. Their lawyer Jeff Bolster said he did not have time to do this because he was very busy answering the claims I made against him with the NC Bar Association.
So bottom line, the promised affidavits never materialized. I am not sure if Auto Owners even got a warning from the dept. of Insurance.
I called the Bar Association to find out what was the result of my claims against Bolster. They said that the law would not allow them to tell me what they found out about Bolster. I nevre have heard what was done or said in that matter. I don't think this is right.
It is disgusting when an average person gets screwed over by a Fortune 500 company and their lawyers. The state in which I reside does not care about these things. They only care about the money these companies bring into the state. I have been so frustrated taking this on.
I am looking for an attorney now so I can sue them before the three year statute of limitations expires.
Mediation~What Happened That Day?
The mediation was held in Feb. 2004 in my attorney's office in downtown Charlotte. Present were:
Myself
My attorney William Trosch
His para legal Nikki Jackson
Monica Gardener claims adjuster for Auto Owners
Jeff Bolster attorney for Auto Owners
Judge Chase Saunders the professional mediator
Bolster had called my lawyer in the morning to ask to be rescheduled because the clients husband had not been called by his secretary to inform Mr. M of the actual time of the mediation. Bolster said that Mr. M should be there no later than 2:30pm. Mr. M never showed up. I am so certain that Bolster lied about all that and told Mr. M not to be there; he did not want Mr. M to observe his nasty behavior in mediation. He should be ashamed; Bolster that is.
Bolster admitted complete fault of the auto accident by their client. He assumed liability for the lesion found on my lef knee cap during surgery. He stated that all other injuries were a result of my issues as revealed in his deposition of me in October 2003.
This is a gross misrepresentation of the medical facts. There is no way any issues could cause permanent nerve damage which revealed itself within minutes of the impact.
My lawyer asked Monica how much money Auto Owners had set aside for this claim after their first offer of $3,000 was put on the table. She said they had nothing set aside for this claim and never had. Mr. Trosch was stunned. He asked Monica about a conversation they had in the Spring of 2000 regarding the $50,000 they had set aside for the settlement of this case. She denied ever having this conversation with my attorney. She lied about this in a legal proceeding.
Bolster looked at me across the table and said he would out me and my witnesses in court if this case wasn't settled today. He said that I would loose this case and be responsible for court costs up to $20,000. That is a threat and blackmail. Threatening to do harm to me and my witnesses (gay people in NC can be fired in NC and two of my witnesses are teachers in Charlotte).
We separated at this point and my attorney and Judge Saunders advised me to stay in my attorney's office. Judge Saunders told me I was a very sweet woman and that Auto Owners was doing me wrong. He said if I was not gay this would not be happening and I would get a settlement of at least $175,000! He said he was a judge in many personal injury cases and can tell how much these cases go for.
Myself
My attorney William Trosch
His para legal Nikki Jackson
Monica Gardener claims adjuster for Auto Owners
Jeff Bolster attorney for Auto Owners
Judge Chase Saunders the professional mediator
Bolster had called my lawyer in the morning to ask to be rescheduled because the clients husband had not been called by his secretary to inform Mr. M of the actual time of the mediation. Bolster said that Mr. M should be there no later than 2:30pm. Mr. M never showed up. I am so certain that Bolster lied about all that and told Mr. M not to be there; he did not want Mr. M to observe his nasty behavior in mediation. He should be ashamed; Bolster that is.
Bolster admitted complete fault of the auto accident by their client. He assumed liability for the lesion found on my lef knee cap during surgery. He stated that all other injuries were a result of my issues as revealed in his deposition of me in October 2003.
This is a gross misrepresentation of the medical facts. There is no way any issues could cause permanent nerve damage which revealed itself within minutes of the impact.
My lawyer asked Monica how much money Auto Owners had set aside for this claim after their first offer of $3,000 was put on the table. She said they had nothing set aside for this claim and never had. Mr. Trosch was stunned. He asked Monica about a conversation they had in the Spring of 2000 regarding the $50,000 they had set aside for the settlement of this case. She denied ever having this conversation with my attorney. She lied about this in a legal proceeding.
Bolster looked at me across the table and said he would out me and my witnesses in court if this case wasn't settled today. He said that I would loose this case and be responsible for court costs up to $20,000. That is a threat and blackmail. Threatening to do harm to me and my witnesses (gay people in NC can be fired in NC and two of my witnesses are teachers in Charlotte).
We separated at this point and my attorney and Judge Saunders advised me to stay in my attorney's office. Judge Saunders told me I was a very sweet woman and that Auto Owners was doing me wrong. He said if I was not gay this would not be happening and I would get a settlement of at least $175,000! He said he was a judge in many personal injury cases and can tell how much these cases go for.
Thursday, August 24, 2006
Copy of Letter Sent to Auto Owners Insurance Company Today:
against me. I think you probably are aware of who I am now. Please pass this along to upper management including Mr. Roger LLoyenda. (sp?)
I have started a blog a few days ago. It is still a rough draft. But I have passed it along to WSOC Channel 9 in Charlotte.
I will be working on it over the next several days; cleaning it up and adding copies of the letters I have sent to your company demanding that your company retify this situation in order to make things right and avoid a lawsuit. I will also be adding photos of me during surgical procedures I had because of the injuries I suffered in the accident. I will be adding photos of my pets; two of whom have died since then because they were sick and I could not afford to take them to the vet. I will be adding photos of my family as well because they have been impacted negatively because of the Bad Faith actions of your company My recent heart attack has frightened them badly. They are also very afraid for me here all by myself and they like me are frustrated that I can't sell my house and move to Atlanta to be close to them. They are afraid that I will die from the damage done to my heart before they can get me home to GA.
I just found out I can sue Auto Owners Insurance Company for Intentional Infliction of Severe Emotional and Financial Distress. It is very much legal in North Carolina and the statute of limitations has not run out.
I also heard about the lawsuit against your company in Florida under Bad Faith Practices and your company lost to the tune of $7 million dollars. Are you going to appeal?
Here is the addie for my blog:
http://badfaithinsurance.blogspot.com/
I have only shared it with the tv station but after I get it cleaned up I will publish it and distribute it to as many companies and people that I can reach.
I am still demanding that Auto Owners pay the balance of the claim which is $179,000. When I sue your company under Bad Faith Practices and Intentional Infliction of Severe Emotional and Financial Distrees it will be for a lot more money than $179,000! And this time I won't have to protect my witnesses from your lawyers in court. So I can safely carry this to the end.
You are aware the reason I accepted $21,000 from you under duress and fear of blackmail was the fear of exposure of two of my witnesses who are teachers here in NC and they could have been fired for being homosexual in this state. I was pretty sure there would be media hanging around the courthouse as there usually is. I was protecting my friends. Did Bolster tell you about this?
Your company started a terrible chain of events all of which were meant to destroy me and take away any measure of happiness.
Nancy Ann
PS This letter will be added to my blog before I go to sleep tonight. BTW I am losing Medicaid and Food Stamps at the end of this month. Things suddenly took another turn for the worst.
I have started a blog a few days ago. It is still a rough draft. But I have passed it along to WSOC Channel 9 in Charlotte.
I will be working on it over the next several days; cleaning it up and adding copies of the letters I have sent to your company demanding that your company retify this situation in order to make things right and avoid a lawsuit. I will also be adding photos of me during surgical procedures I had because of the injuries I suffered in the accident. I will be adding photos of my pets; two of whom have died since then because they were sick and I could not afford to take them to the vet. I will be adding photos of my family as well because they have been impacted negatively because of the Bad Faith actions of your company My recent heart attack has frightened them badly. They are also very afraid for me here all by myself and they like me are frustrated that I can't sell my house and move to Atlanta to be close to them. They are afraid that I will die from the damage done to my heart before they can get me home to GA.
I just found out I can sue Auto Owners Insurance Company for Intentional Infliction of Severe Emotional and Financial Distress. It is very much legal in North Carolina and the statute of limitations has not run out.
I also heard about the lawsuit against your company in Florida under Bad Faith Practices and your company lost to the tune of $7 million dollars. Are you going to appeal?
Here is the addie for my blog:
http://badfaithinsurance.blogspot.com/
I have only shared it with the tv station but after I get it cleaned up I will publish it and distribute it to as many companies and people that I can reach.
I am still demanding that Auto Owners pay the balance of the claim which is $179,000. When I sue your company under Bad Faith Practices and Intentional Infliction of Severe Emotional and Financial Distrees it will be for a lot more money than $179,000! And this time I won't have to protect my witnesses from your lawyers in court. So I can safely carry this to the end.
You are aware the reason I accepted $21,000 from you under duress and fear of blackmail was the fear of exposure of two of my witnesses who are teachers here in NC and they could have been fired for being homosexual in this state. I was pretty sure there would be media hanging around the courthouse as there usually is. I was protecting my friends. Did Bolster tell you about this?
Your company started a terrible chain of events all of which were meant to destroy me and take away any measure of happiness.
Nancy Ann
PS This letter will be added to my blog before I go to sleep tonight. BTW I am losing Medicaid and Food Stamps at the end of this month. Things suddenly took another turn for the worst.
My Pets Have Suffered Along With Me and Two Have Died:
Johannes and Nena. Nena is the smaller one and she is the one that died on the day Hurrican Katrina hit New Orleans.
Frankie is a big boy now.
Frankie as a Kitten. 
Midnight
AshleyThey died because I could not afford to take them to the vet when they became ill. I cared for them at home the best I knew how.
I do not have a photo loaded on this PC but I do have tons of pictures of her available so I will scan a few of her. She was a beautiful dog with the best of personalities and well behaved too. She was really sweet and so special. I miss that girl so much. Her and Nena both; I raised from an infant puppy feeding them from a bottle and letting them sleep on my chest under a blanket. Life is so unfair. And it is unfair and terrible that Nena and Linda had to pay the price for those freaks at Auto Owners Insurance and their disgusting lawyer. They killed my beloved dogs. It makes me so sad and angry I still cry about it as I am right now. I hate them with my entire being.
When the accident happened I had three dogs; Linda the mother, Johannes the son and Nena the sister and the youngest. I had also rescued Midnight the cat from my son because Brian was abusing the animal. Brian has Autism Spectrum disorder called Asperger's Syndrome. So these kids often abuse animals without meaning to.
So we were a happy family, my son and the three dogs and one cat.
In 2002 during the time I was laid off work (from July 2001 to June 2002) Linda became ill. She was listless and tired. She got up real slow too. I thought it was arthritus. I was wrong. Within five days she was very very sick. I took her to the vet and they had to put her down. Brian and I cried for hours. We felt so bad for her she had been such a sweet dog.
The dogs suffered from day one after the accident. I used to take them out walking daily. Often on the weekends I would take them to this special place on Lake Tillery so they could swim; all three loved swimming. After the accident I never ever took my dogs walking or any place at all. I rarely went out to them in the back yard. I had been knocked down once in Feb. 2000. And to be honest I was afraid of being knocked down and hurt badly by them. They were clumsy and big. Rottweilers; the sweetest dogs I had.
Then last year in the spring Nena became ill too. I tried the home remedies for gastroentritus. Nothing worked. Very quickly she lost weight and became very ill. On the same day Hurrican Katrina hit Nena died. I was alone in the house.
I was very determined to bury her myself in the yard. She was my dog and my responsiblity. It took me hours to dig a hole big enough to contain her. I was very sad about the loss of this sweet girl. She was my favorite as when she was born she was the runt and was not breathing. I had to do mouth to snout on her and she lived. But from that day she was mine because her mother refused to havc antthing to do with her.
The cats have been sick too from time to time but they have survived. Midnight had ear mites and dug his ear up so bad he got a hematoma and the ear is destroyed. It is just a crumpled mess.
Frankie is 14 months old and has never been to the vet. Ashely and Midnight haven't been to the vet in three years. But they are indoor cats so I am not too concerned about diseases. But it would be nice to have them get a check up in case there are parasites. They do have ear mites from time to time and I have to clean their ears out several times a day and put medicine in there. What a hassle. Midnight acts like I am trying to kill him and he claws and bites me.
I feel like such a bad mother to my pets. But I talk to them and tell them we are all in this together, we need each other and we will make it. They love me unconditionally even though they really need to go to the vet. There are shots available that will knock out the ear mites in all three of them but again I don't have the money for that.
I hate Auto Owners Insurance Company and their lawyer Jeff Bolster so much I can't beging to tell you how much I hate those people. They made a conscious decision in order to save money and not pay the right amount of the claim (the policy was worth $200,000) to destroy me and my pet family. And every day I fight them and beat them by staying alive, keeping my pets alive and keeping my home. And they don't know really how terrible my life has become because of their decision. I truly hate them all! With my whole heart.
Time Line from 12/31/99 to Present
This photo was taken over a year ago which shows medical bills resulting from the car accident of 12/31/99. There is another stack I have accumulated since then which includes the scripts from the past 14 months, doctors visits and the records from the heart attack. Previously to 12/31/99 and going back to ten years before the accident I have about six pages of records!
12/31/1999 10:30 am car accident in Kannapolis; Mrs. M plowed into the back of my car doing 45-50 mph without braking causing my car to hit the vehicle in front of me. All three cars were totaled and I suffered injuries. I was seen at NorthEast Medical Center later that day and told it was probably a contusion to my kneecap that was causing the burning pain that was felt immediately upon impact.
1/7/2000 Went to see a doctor about the burning pain in my left knee. I was put on anti-inflammatory and told to come back if no improvement in my condition. I was told to take Aleve or aspirin for the swelling and pain.
1/21/2000 approx I went back to Dr. M and was referred to Dr. Ohl at Charlotte Orthopedic. I was given a script for Naproxin. She said she thought that the cartilage was torn.
1/27/2000 approx Saw Dr. O and he said it was probably dashboard knee and it would get better eventually. I was given a script for an anti-inflammatory Viiox. None of the anti-inflammatories I took ever relieved the pain. And I tried them all. Viiox, Bextra, Naproxin and finally settling on Celebrex which has less impact on the heart and worked best for me.
Twice in Feb. I went back to Dr. O with complaints of burning left knee pain.
March 2000 I had fallen several times at home and once again went to see Dr. O. One night I fell in my bathtub which is big and deep because it is a Jacuzzi tub. I got turned around when struggling to get up and scraped my bum badly on the faucet. I had to go out and by Kotex to use for dressing of the wound. I fell outside in the yard late at night too in Feb. when letting the dogs out of the kennel to bring them inside; it was about 30 degrees. I laid there for almost 30 minutes before I could stand up. I thought my leg was broken and the pain was intense. Johannes ran out of the kennel and his knee clipped my shin hard. He sent me for an MRI of the left knee which revealed a torn medial meniscus and I was scheduled for surgery to repair this damage.
April 14, 2000 Surgery to repair torn medial meniscus and also a Chrondal lesion was lasered off the left kneecap. This surgery did nothing to heal my injury. I was referred to physical therapy. All three of my kids drove up from Atlanta to be with me during the surgery. My two grandchildren also came along.
April 29, 2000. PT started and I had to come to them 3 times a week for one hour sessions. I continued PT for several months and I never achieved Dr. Ohl’s goal for me to be able to squat and get up without assistance. In fact, the PT made things much worse. I was still having burning pain in my left knee and now began having muscle cramps in my legs and feet. At the end of several months of treatment all I could do was to lay there with ice packs on my knee and was not able to do any exercises at all.
Fall 2000 I was referred to an acupuncturist for treatment by Dr. O. I went to this doctor till the spring of 2001. I received no relief from pain at all. By this time I was having great difficulties with my gait and began using a brace and ace wraps.
March 8, 2001 I saw another ortho doctor T. He said he thought the problem was reflex sympathic syndrome; which causes severe pain in limbs and there is no known cure or satisfactory treatment. He sent me back to Dr. O for further evaluation.
March 21, 2001 approx. Dr. O admitted he did not know what was wrong with me and discharged me from his care. That was a terrible day.
End of March 2001. I began experiencing some problems at work; making stupid mistakes. I also had some road rage situations that made me furious. On a routine woman’s check up my doctor talked to me about what was happening in my life. She said I was suffering from chronic pain and depression and started me on Celexa. Celexa helps a lot with depression but it also helps ease pain. I stayed on this for several months until I was laid off and lost the insurance.
For over a year I believe I received no treatment for my knee, chronic pain or depression because I had no insurance as I had been laid off my job in July of 2001. A friend HC, who is an acupuncturist did some treatments at a reduced fee. This lasted a few months. HC asked me if I had injured my back in the car accident and I answered that I did not think so. I continued to experience severe burning pain in the left knee, cramping in the legs and feet and some muscle soreness that began at the left knee and was traveling up and down the leg. It was later diagnosed as Myofacial Pain Syndrome.
June 3, 2002 I got a job at Nevins with medical insurance. So I was able to once again see my PCP Dr. M for pain treatment. She was able to treat me with Vicodin beginning at two a day and later up to three or four a day at higher and higher strength. Several months later she had to insist on getting me to see a pain management specialist.
Fall 2002. I began therapy through the EAP at work so I could work on grief issues for the loss of body functions, the pain and depression due to car accident. The therapist was nice but did not seem to get why I was seeing him. I needed something more like in the way of cognitive behavioral therapy that could actually give me the tools I needed to handle the intense and intractable pain and the resulting life issues. So I stopped seeing this therapist and began searching for someone more suitable.
Jan. 2003 Dr. M sent me to a neurologist by the name of Dr. AH at Prespeterian Hospital I believe. She conducted an invasive nerve conduction test on my entire left leg. Her conclusion was that the nerve had been either severed or severely damaged under the left knee cap. I asked her if there was surgery or something to cure this. She advised me it was something I was going to have to live with the rest of my life. This was very upsetting news to say the least. And that is when serious depression set in.
May 3, 2003 Dr. M referred me to South East Pain Care to Dr. B. He is a nice man and I enjoyed meeting him. He started off by saying after he examined me that I was not crazy, that there was something wrong with my leg, there was no cure but he was going to do everything he can to help lower my pain levels. He was the one who explained what chronic pain was. He also explained how this led to depression. He warned me there would be no miracles and that I would have some measure of pain for the rest of my life. He gave me scripts for 10mg of Oxycotin once a day and Vicodin 500mg three times a day for breakthrough pain. He wanted me to take the Oxy during the day but I found it made me very sleepy and had an affect on my driving back and forth to work each day. He was okay with that and wanted to do a med check in a month. Dr. B also said I had depression and put me back on Celexa. Later he changed it to Effexor. Dr. B is a board certified pain care specialist and works out of Carolina Medical Center.
July 2003 Dr. B performed the first caudal nerve block and it was done under a fluoroscopic machine and I had an epidural. This procedure was extremely painful and I had to use a wheel chair when being discharged because I could not feel my legs. My daughter B and grand-daughter came up from Atlanta for that one to care for me. This surgical procedure only offered pain relief for two or three days. Dr. B told me later that the pain relief was from the lidocaine he used to numb me and not from the procedure or the drugs he injected near my spine.
Sept. 2003 approx. My friend D (and later she became my partner, the one who left me after the heart attack) took the day off so that I could have the second and final nerve block in my spine. The same results; pain relief for a few days only. Dr. B, K the nurse and I were all disappointed at these sad results. I continued with my narcotic pain meds; Dr. B having to increase the dosage of the Vicodin all the while because the pain kept increasing and the MFPS continued to advance throughout my body.
Three times between Sept. 2003 and April 2004 Dr. B did lidocaine injections into six bad trigger points in my buttocks. As with the nerve blocks I got relief for a few days only. Trigger point injections are also extremely painful but sometimes they do help some patients.
April 2004 I saw another neuro doctor at Carolina Neurology in concord Dr.B referred me to because I experienced a sudden increase in pain and my arms and legs were starting to go numb and tingle. My gait had deteriorated some more.
That doctor ran another nerve conduction test from the waist down on both legs. This revealed that I also had some nerve damage on the right side as well. But the left side was more severe. I also had an MRI of my back which revealed bulging discs in the lumbar and sacral areas. He sent me back to Dr. B and said eventually I would need to have back surgery on the five bulging discs but for now I was doing okay with it.
In June or July of 2004, I went for a routine check up with Dr. B. When a patient is on narcotic therapy they have to see the doctor several times the first year and then once a year after that. We talked about a plan for pain maintenance. We discussed having a spinal cord stimulator implanted. He gave me a video about this procedure and told me to call and make an appointment if I wanted to have this surgery. I thought this surgery was the best solution because that intense and constant burning pain in my left knee was driving me crazy. Dr. B diagnosed me at this time with fibromyalgia and wished me well considering I had both fibro and MFPS! He said that sucked! He was right. He is right it does.
July 12 to 16, 2004 Dr. B performed a trial spinal cord stimulator surgery in his office under epidural sedation. My daughter B had drove up from Atlanta with M and A to care for me. She left the children with me for that entire week. This surgery the wires were advanced up into the epidural space to T10. The wires were left outside my body and attached to a temp device which I carried around in a pouch. This surgery was incredibly painful. Imagine having wires shoved up your epidural space which is sitting right adjacent to the spinal cord. I had horrible shooting pains down my left side every time he advanced the wires and the wires ran into resistance in the narrow epidural space. Horrible!
My back was completely covered by bandages. I have photos of this and photos of the wires coming right out of my spine. It was a huge success and Dr. B and I decided to go ahead with the implant.
August 4, 2004 Surgery for the spinal cord stimulator was done at University Hospital. I stayed overnight. That surgery was incredible painful. Dr. B said the trauma set off a fibro pain flare and that is why my recovery period was so long. I was out of work for the most part from August 4th to the end of Sept. when I was “laid off” while on FMLA.
It took six months to recover from this surgery. The device works very well but unfortunately it only helped the pain right on the left kneecap and did nothing for all the other pain. The entire team called me their shining star patient because I was a good patient and because it proved to be so successful. The device is Synergy from Medtronic. The same device and surgery that Jerry Lewis had. Only his remote control is a beautiful color red and mine is a dull gray. I would have loved to have a red device.LOL
October 2004 Dr. B put me on Methadone 10mg per day because I had lost my insurance once again when laid off. He also kept me on Vicodin as well. He also said that he and SE Pain Care had done all the surgical procedures that were possible and that for the rest of my life I would just be on pain maintenance.
July 7, 2005 I applied for SSDI and was granted SSI and Medicaid almost immediately. At that time Dr. B changed me over to Oxy to 10 mg three times a day and no more Vicodin for break through pain. Oxy is so much more effective for pain than the methadone. There should not have been any breakthrough pain because I was getting Oxy 24/7 but there was about six hours after taking my dose.
July 2005 Began seeing Dr. G at Daymark Recovery and she put me on Cymbalta 90mg with is an SSNRI; which is very effective on depression and pain. She diagnosed me as having major depressive disorder. I continue to see Dr. G up until present.
December 2006 Dr. B increased my Oxy to 20 mg three times a day. I still break through after 6 hours but it is far better pain coverage. I was awarded SSDI around the middle of the month and began receiving my disability payments the 3rd of Jan. 2006. I was one of the few persons known to have gotten SSDI on the first try without an attorney.
Feb. 1, 2006 I lost my Medicaid and was once again without insurance. Dr. B put me back on Methadone which costs less than $20 a month but far less affective than the Oxy. I am still a patient of Dr. B’s and will see him again in October.
March 1, 2006 I had run out of Oxy and went through three days of withdrawals till I could come in and get my script for Methadone. Withdrawal from narcotics is terrible!
March 12-13, 2006 My partner D drove me to the hospital and I presented to NE Medical Center with chest pains and said I was having a heart attack. They kept me overnight and scheduled a stress test for the following day. The stress test was done by giving me an injection of dobutaline because I could not walk well enough for them to do a stress test. This was a horrible experience and I had chest pain through out the entire test.
They sent me home saying it was not my heart but probably gall bladder disease despite the fact I had most high risk factors. I knew they were wrong and called my new PCP to ask for an immediate appointment so I could get her to call them and get me back in there for further testing such as the 64 slice CT scan. I was schedule to see her on Wed., this was Monday night. I never made that appointment.
March 14, 2006 At 10:30 am I began having hard chest pain and was short of breath. It was frightening. I called an ambulance, then I called D at work and she stayed on the phone with me till the ambulance arrived and was rushed to NE Medical Center where I had a heart attack a short while after admission. I was sent to the cath lab where an angioplasty was performed with medical stent placement done as well. The heart attack was in the left descending artery and it left my heart severely damaged by heart failure and an ejection fraction of 30 percent.
August 22 saw new cardiologist at Sanger Clinic and I like the guy and feel I can trust him. Scheduled another round of heart testing nuclear echo, stress test and lab work. We are hoping to see an improvement in my ejection fraction. He thinks it will hit 50% which is a low medium. I will be estactic. And this will be the first good break I have had in awhile besides having the most wonderful family in the world!
A Typical Day When Bills Are Due:
This happened yesterday. It is such a terrible way to spend the day that I thought it would be good to post it.
I woke the first time during Good Morning America. I could hardly keep my eyes open and fell asleep quickly. 2nd time awake during Kelly and Regis; I was asleep again in less than five minutes. 3rd time awake Dr. Phil is on and I pay attention for a few minutes and before I know it the noon news in on Channel 9 which is the one I watch every day. I miss Cullen Ferguson a lot! Then I was up. I made coffee, got my cup ready with the creamer, went to pee, then gathered my morning medications.
I took my meds with the coffee and then laid back down to wait for the pain medication to kick in. It usually takes 30 minutes. When I did kick in I was watching All My Children and working on a water color piece at the same time.
About 2:30 I realized that I had not called my daughters after seeing the new cardiologist at Sanger Clinic. I picked up my cell and placed the call. The phone had been disconnected! I was frustrated and teared up. I planned on going to the phone company about 3:30 to pay using money I had planned on paying my late mortgage with. Thankfully my son is sending me another $150 to help. It is actually he is paying back a $450 loan from four years ago.
So I get to the phone company and take my place at the couch. This is how I usually pay my bill for the last year, see a customer service rep to ask for an extension or like in this case to reconnect my house and cell phones and waive the reconnect fee. They agreed reluctantly and I found myself in tears talking and saying way too much about my health to this poor woman. It is like I cannot control my emotions any longer. I never used to like scenes.
So I leave there and head to Wal Mart to pick up my Oxycotin script and wonder how the hell and I going to pay for next months'scropt because at the end of the month Medicaid is dropping me because I make too much money. $990 a month and the limit is $738. I wonder if I could ask social security adm. to lower my payments each month to $737 so I can continues to take medications for my heart, depression and chronic pain. Hmmmm
I finish at Wal Mart and head to Bi Lo to buy some dog food and buy some cigarettes; a carton on sale and I have coupons. I buy some kitty liter with a coupon too.
Let's talk about my smoking. I quit on the day I had my heart attack. It lasted 7 weeks which were terrible. I felt horrible that I could not smoke. I felt a great sense of being deprived of something I enjoyed though I don't really. This is a hard addiction to break. My depression worsened after the HA and so did my spirits. Missing the nicotine did not help my situation. So I buckled down to my disgusting habit and bought one pack of cigarettes very late one night. Oh the relief. I only meant to smoke that one pack and quit again. Next thing I know I am buying a carton.
So this is how my day went. I was so tired from the stress of that day and running to do errands and worrying that my mortgage had not been paid that I was too tired to call my daughters. So I didn't. I went to bed at 2am. And surprisingly, I woke today at 9:30 am and have been up ever since. That is a nice change.
And then this happened today on August 24th. I got a notice in the mail that my food stamps are being reduced from $152 to $10. Add that to loosing medicaid on the same day; it is a terrible loss.
For the past few months I have cut spending to the bone. I looked for ways to cut just about everywhere and how ironic the amount I cut monthly is about the amount I lost on food stamps today. I am going to appeal it tomorrow. I can't live on less than I am making.
I have to go to Crisis Assistance Ministry to get enrolled in the Free Clinic again. The last time I was there was six days after my heart attack. I wasn't supposed to be driving but there was no one else to do it for me so I had no choice. I went to the Free Clinic and had to wait 30 minutes for it to open and then another 15 minutes while they got set up. Only to be told I have to register at Crisis Assistance. So I went there and had to wait two hours to be seen. Then back to the Free Clinic five minutes before they closed to pick up my new heart medications. A week later I was readmitted to medicaid. I was gone a total of 6 hours and I wasn't even supposed to be leaving the house that day; doctor's orders.
This afternoon I was going to pay my car insurance (it is very late and I almost forgot it); before I pulled out of the driveway I checked the mail. That is when I found out about the loss of food stamps.
All the way home I kept thinking how useless and tiring and fruitless this struggle has been for the past almost 7 years. As time goes by I get further and further in the hole as I become sicker and sicker. There is no question (right now) about giving in. I can't do that. But the big question is how long can I keep this up. I have fallen a long way since the car accident; though I have tried everything I know to stay afloat and not loose my home or vehicle.
Oh and I am about four months late on paying the property tax on my truck. I don't know where I am going to get the money to pay for that.
In October 1999, Diane and I went on five days vacation to New Orleans. We had a good time and spent money like it was no concern because it was no concern. I had a good and well paying job.
Then two months later the accident happened. I had had breakfast with a friend that New Year's Eve morning and was on my way home planning to stop at the bank to get some money out because of Y2K. Remember that? Then the accident happened.
The woman that hit me was driving an 85 Caddy. She never saw me as I was slowing down for the car in front of me to make a right hand turn. She tried to get into the left hand lane at the last second but never braked. She hit me doing 45 to 50 mph. I glanced up in the rear view mirror a second before she hit me.
I opened my eyes hearing someone yelling at me from outside "Are you okay?" I looked over and saw a woman talking into the telephone. I was trying to talk but could not catch my breath. She told me to get out of the car but the door refused to open. I had hit the car in front of me an 82 Oldsmobile.
Later while a cop was driving me home he told me that most people in accidents like that died. Many many times over the years I think about maybe that would have been better. There hasn't been many good times since that day. In fact, it has been like an advalance; starting off slowly and building up speed till it becomes something so strong and terrible nothing can stop it.
So I sit in my house each day. When my money is deposited on the 3rd of each month I pay what I can right away and that is usually the mortgage first. But the 10th of the month I am racking my brains to try to find some way to get ahold of money to pay the rest of my expenses. Each month I go begging to Duke Power, the water company and CTC phone company. Each and every month.
I have had help from Cabarrus county, Crisis Assistance Ministry and the Salvation Army. At this point I can get any more help for several months. And now I loose my food stamps. That was helping me eat healthy after the heart attack. Honestly I am dumbfounded at this point wondering what to do. I think I have hit the bottom of the charity bin. Well it does not hurt to try so I will hit Crisis Assistance tomorrow to see about help with the mortgage, the free clinic and anything else they have to offer.
Tomorrow night I am treating myself to a ball game. I can buy a few items for School Tools at the dollar store to pay for admission. I can sneak a bottle of water in my purse and some crackers maybe. I deserve this night out.
I rarely go anywhere. I have widdled down my use of gasoline too because it is so expensive. I make a tank full of gas last about five weeks. I filled up on August 3rd and there is a little less than half a tank. I have to go to Charlotte to the pain management doctor once a month to pick up the script for Oxycotin. That cannot be called or faxed into the pharmacy.
So the matter is still there, the question. How long can I keep this up? I can't imagine how people who are older and sicker than me do it.
When I get into a better financial situation I will have more time on my hands and want to volunteer at the Senior Center to help others out with stuff like this. Perhaps helping them around the house some or taking them to the grocery store or doctor's appointments etc.
I woke the first time during Good Morning America. I could hardly keep my eyes open and fell asleep quickly. 2nd time awake during Kelly and Regis; I was asleep again in less than five minutes. 3rd time awake Dr. Phil is on and I pay attention for a few minutes and before I know it the noon news in on Channel 9 which is the one I watch every day. I miss Cullen Ferguson a lot! Then I was up. I made coffee, got my cup ready with the creamer, went to pee, then gathered my morning medications.
I took my meds with the coffee and then laid back down to wait for the pain medication to kick in. It usually takes 30 minutes. When I did kick in I was watching All My Children and working on a water color piece at the same time.
About 2:30 I realized that I had not called my daughters after seeing the new cardiologist at Sanger Clinic. I picked up my cell and placed the call. The phone had been disconnected! I was frustrated and teared up. I planned on going to the phone company about 3:30 to pay using money I had planned on paying my late mortgage with. Thankfully my son is sending me another $150 to help. It is actually he is paying back a $450 loan from four years ago.
So I get to the phone company and take my place at the couch. This is how I usually pay my bill for the last year, see a customer service rep to ask for an extension or like in this case to reconnect my house and cell phones and waive the reconnect fee. They agreed reluctantly and I found myself in tears talking and saying way too much about my health to this poor woman. It is like I cannot control my emotions any longer. I never used to like scenes.
So I leave there and head to Wal Mart to pick up my Oxycotin script and wonder how the hell and I going to pay for next months'scropt because at the end of the month Medicaid is dropping me because I make too much money. $990 a month and the limit is $738. I wonder if I could ask social security adm. to lower my payments each month to $737 so I can continues to take medications for my heart, depression and chronic pain. Hmmmm
I finish at Wal Mart and head to Bi Lo to buy some dog food and buy some cigarettes; a carton on sale and I have coupons. I buy some kitty liter with a coupon too.
Let's talk about my smoking. I quit on the day I had my heart attack. It lasted 7 weeks which were terrible. I felt horrible that I could not smoke. I felt a great sense of being deprived of something I enjoyed though I don't really. This is a hard addiction to break. My depression worsened after the HA and so did my spirits. Missing the nicotine did not help my situation. So I buckled down to my disgusting habit and bought one pack of cigarettes very late one night. Oh the relief. I only meant to smoke that one pack and quit again. Next thing I know I am buying a carton.
So this is how my day went. I was so tired from the stress of that day and running to do errands and worrying that my mortgage had not been paid that I was too tired to call my daughters. So I didn't. I went to bed at 2am. And surprisingly, I woke today at 9:30 am and have been up ever since. That is a nice change.
And then this happened today on August 24th. I got a notice in the mail that my food stamps are being reduced from $152 to $10. Add that to loosing medicaid on the same day; it is a terrible loss.
For the past few months I have cut spending to the bone. I looked for ways to cut just about everywhere and how ironic the amount I cut monthly is about the amount I lost on food stamps today. I am going to appeal it tomorrow. I can't live on less than I am making.
I have to go to Crisis Assistance Ministry to get enrolled in the Free Clinic again. The last time I was there was six days after my heart attack. I wasn't supposed to be driving but there was no one else to do it for me so I had no choice. I went to the Free Clinic and had to wait 30 minutes for it to open and then another 15 minutes while they got set up. Only to be told I have to register at Crisis Assistance. So I went there and had to wait two hours to be seen. Then back to the Free Clinic five minutes before they closed to pick up my new heart medications. A week later I was readmitted to medicaid. I was gone a total of 6 hours and I wasn't even supposed to be leaving the house that day; doctor's orders.
This afternoon I was going to pay my car insurance (it is very late and I almost forgot it); before I pulled out of the driveway I checked the mail. That is when I found out about the loss of food stamps.
All the way home I kept thinking how useless and tiring and fruitless this struggle has been for the past almost 7 years. As time goes by I get further and further in the hole as I become sicker and sicker. There is no question (right now) about giving in. I can't do that. But the big question is how long can I keep this up. I have fallen a long way since the car accident; though I have tried everything I know to stay afloat and not loose my home or vehicle.
Oh and I am about four months late on paying the property tax on my truck. I don't know where I am going to get the money to pay for that.
In October 1999, Diane and I went on five days vacation to New Orleans. We had a good time and spent money like it was no concern because it was no concern. I had a good and well paying job.
Then two months later the accident happened. I had had breakfast with a friend that New Year's Eve morning and was on my way home planning to stop at the bank to get some money out because of Y2K. Remember that? Then the accident happened.
The woman that hit me was driving an 85 Caddy. She never saw me as I was slowing down for the car in front of me to make a right hand turn. She tried to get into the left hand lane at the last second but never braked. She hit me doing 45 to 50 mph. I glanced up in the rear view mirror a second before she hit me.
I opened my eyes hearing someone yelling at me from outside "Are you okay?" I looked over and saw a woman talking into the telephone. I was trying to talk but could not catch my breath. She told me to get out of the car but the door refused to open. I had hit the car in front of me an 82 Oldsmobile.
Later while a cop was driving me home he told me that most people in accidents like that died. Many many times over the years I think about maybe that would have been better. There hasn't been many good times since that day. In fact, it has been like an advalance; starting off slowly and building up speed till it becomes something so strong and terrible nothing can stop it.
So I sit in my house each day. When my money is deposited on the 3rd of each month I pay what I can right away and that is usually the mortgage first. But the 10th of the month I am racking my brains to try to find some way to get ahold of money to pay the rest of my expenses. Each month I go begging to Duke Power, the water company and CTC phone company. Each and every month.
I have had help from Cabarrus county, Crisis Assistance Ministry and the Salvation Army. At this point I can get any more help for several months. And now I loose my food stamps. That was helping me eat healthy after the heart attack. Honestly I am dumbfounded at this point wondering what to do. I think I have hit the bottom of the charity bin. Well it does not hurt to try so I will hit Crisis Assistance tomorrow to see about help with the mortgage, the free clinic and anything else they have to offer.
Tomorrow night I am treating myself to a ball game. I can buy a few items for School Tools at the dollar store to pay for admission. I can sneak a bottle of water in my purse and some crackers maybe. I deserve this night out.
I rarely go anywhere. I have widdled down my use of gasoline too because it is so expensive. I make a tank full of gas last about five weeks. I filled up on August 3rd and there is a little less than half a tank. I have to go to Charlotte to the pain management doctor once a month to pick up the script for Oxycotin. That cannot be called or faxed into the pharmacy.
So the matter is still there, the question. How long can I keep this up? I can't imagine how people who are older and sicker than me do it.
When I get into a better financial situation I will have more time on my hands and want to volunteer at the Senior Center to help others out with stuff like this. Perhaps helping them around the house some or taking them to the grocery store or doctor's appointments etc.
The Purpose of This Blog is:
to make society aware of what happens when a person gets injured in say an auto accident, it is through no fault of their own and they decide to sue. I always thought suing was easy and way too many people do it. Was I ever wrong!
It is not easy. It is especially not easy if a person is different. Such as being gay. Or being a Pagan or Wiccan. Or being d, etc. If you have something in your past you would rather not be out in the open; prepare yourself because lawyers for the insurance companies are ruthless and their objective is to save the company money no matter who gets hurt.
These are called bad faith insurance companies. Auto Owners Insurance is rated 25th on the Bad Faith list. Auto Owners Insurance does not appear on the Good Faith list at all and in no way.
Auto Owners and their lawyer Jeff Bolster made me feel like an unfit mother, crazy, unwanted, a bad person during the deposition phase and in the mediation.
On the way home from the deposition in October 2003; I cried hurt and angry tears. The minute I got home I called a friend of mine who is a counselor and minister. We spent about two hours on the phone and I sobbed and sobbed with anger, shame and frustration. Then I called Deb to talk to her. The entire evening was taken up with this negative and damaging scene. I never did go into details with my kids about it.
One of the ways he made me feel like a terrible mother is that he asked me how often I drive to Atlanta to see my kids which is 3 and 1/2 hours away. I answered about twice a year but would love to be able to do it more. That my pain and fatigue makes it difficult to drive there more often.
Then he began questioning me about every place I had traveled to since the accident. I had traveled to visit friends in Charleston, SC twice, Richmond, VA once, Sylva,NC three times. I went to visit adults who had no kids. I spent a quiet time with them; not doing too much activity at all besides going out to eat and looking at nature.
When I go to see my adult kids it makes me so tired. They each are married with kids. A total of 7 grandchildren now. And I cannot be still when they are around. I have to climb at least once up into the tree house, I have to sit and watch kid movies. I have to read to them. I have to feed and bathe them too. And it is not that I don't like doing these things I do. But when I do too much I pay for it by increased fatigue and pain.
When I visit my kids it takes a week to get over it physically. Same thing when they come here for a few days; it makes me tired and causes further pain. I accept that and it wasn't easy to accept. But I did not get a chance to say all this. He asked a few questions geared to making me look like an unfit mother and changed the subject. I was only allowed to answer with short answers. And my lawyer sat there with his thumb up his ass letting Bolster tear me apart.
He said in mediation referring to my answers in the deposition that Auto Owners does not deny that the accident was the fault of their client. That they were taking responsibility for the lesion on my left knee and nothing else. He said that when we got to court he would prove that the other medical issues were a result of my other issues that were covered in the deposition such as:
My mother died at the age of 56 of breast cancer
That my son has autism
That my son self medicates with pot and alcohol
That I was sexually abused as a child by my step father
That I am a lesbian
That my parents had problems with alcohol
These issues do not cause permanent nerve damage in two places; one under the kneecap, the nerve was severed there completely and the other nerve damage is coming from my back where five discs are bulging (I had no problems before the accident).
These issues do not cause torn cartilidge in the left knee which was surgically repaired in April of 2000.
Myofacial pain syndrome which appeared during the nine months of physical therapy after the torn cartilidge surgery in April 2000. Muscles that are controlled by nerves that are damaged do not do well in physcial therapy. How could they? They are not getting the nerve impulses to work properly.
Fibromyalgia; which came on a few years after the car accident. This resulted from all the other injuries and the fact that I began limping immediately after the accident and this had thrown my body off balance. It was the way my body compensated for the imbalance and the damage; making it difficult to get around.
Arthritus set in almost immediately. When the surgeon got into my knee in April of 2000 he found a lesion of arthritus right on the knee cap and lasered it off. That is the only thing I was compensated for. In spite of the fact, that I have had several surgical procedures called caudal nerve blocks to help with the damaged nerve pain which is horrendous and right up there with cancer pain.
So I have chronic pain which is intractable and for which there is no known cure. It is a life time disease that I have to live with. It also prevents me from doing so many things that are important for good mental health.
Over these past six years I became depressed diagnosed with major depressive disorder. I applied for permanent disability on July 7 2004. I was approved five months later on the first go round without and attorney.
I have to do something. The heart attack in March proves that I am still carrying around anger with the situation of the lawsuit and how it turned out. The heart attack was pretty bad and left my ventricles permanently damaged.
I just can't let go of this. I am trapped by my body and these circumstances. I suffered severe financial setbacks because of my injuries. I lost my job because of the injuries. I became permanently disabled because of that car accident. And I cannot let them get away with this. I have to be compensated so I can get on with my life by selling this house and moving back to GA to be closer to my family.
Right now I can do nothing. That is so frustrating too because not a day goes by that I don't think about them and what happened. I am so trapped here. I am afraid that I will die before I can move to my kids.
This is a horrible situation. With what I am paid by social security $990.00 a month I will never be able to financially move to GA. My income as it is does not pay all my bills each month. I have to rob Peter to pay Paul every single month.
I am so tired I can no longer take care of my garden or mow the grass. My son is coming up from Atlanta to cut my grass. My daughters come up from Atlanta to give my house a good cleaning. So I am in limbo trying to find a way to get home.
In the meantime I am alone. Most of these past six years I have been alone. No one is interested in me for long before they become frustrated and angry at me, my body and the way I have to cancel out on activities because I am sick.
I have stuggled for a year to maintain on Medicaid and at the end of this month I am cut off and do not know how I will pay for my medications which are:
Oxycotin 20 mg every eight hours
Cymbalta 90mg in the am
Wellbutrin in the pm
Valium prn for anxiety and muscle pain
Celebrex prn for arthritus
Crestor in the pm to reduce cholesterol
Plavix 75 mg to reduce clotting. It is working because I have uncontrolled bleeding in my hemmoroid. And I stay constipated because of the anti-depressants and the Oxycotin
Asipirin 81 mg in the am
Lopressor twice a day
Lisinopril once in the am
That's all for today. More later. I hope this helps somehow. I wish that every time I post a section that that memory would disappear completely. Would that not be great!
It is not easy. It is especially not easy if a person is different. Such as being gay. Or being a Pagan or Wiccan. Or being d, etc. If you have something in your past you would rather not be out in the open; prepare yourself because lawyers for the insurance companies are ruthless and their objective is to save the company money no matter who gets hurt.
These are called bad faith insurance companies. Auto Owners Insurance is rated 25th on the Bad Faith list. Auto Owners Insurance does not appear on the Good Faith list at all and in no way.
Auto Owners and their lawyer Jeff Bolster made me feel like an unfit mother, crazy, unwanted, a bad person during the deposition phase and in the mediation.
On the way home from the deposition in October 2003; I cried hurt and angry tears. The minute I got home I called a friend of mine who is a counselor and minister. We spent about two hours on the phone and I sobbed and sobbed with anger, shame and frustration. Then I called Deb to talk to her. The entire evening was taken up with this negative and damaging scene. I never did go into details with my kids about it.
One of the ways he made me feel like a terrible mother is that he asked me how often I drive to Atlanta to see my kids which is 3 and 1/2 hours away. I answered about twice a year but would love to be able to do it more. That my pain and fatigue makes it difficult to drive there more often.
Then he began questioning me about every place I had traveled to since the accident. I had traveled to visit friends in Charleston, SC twice, Richmond, VA once, Sylva,NC three times. I went to visit adults who had no kids. I spent a quiet time with them; not doing too much activity at all besides going out to eat and looking at nature.
When I go to see my adult kids it makes me so tired. They each are married with kids. A total of 7 grandchildren now. And I cannot be still when they are around. I have to climb at least once up into the tree house, I have to sit and watch kid movies. I have to read to them. I have to feed and bathe them too. And it is not that I don't like doing these things I do. But when I do too much I pay for it by increased fatigue and pain.
When I visit my kids it takes a week to get over it physically. Same thing when they come here for a few days; it makes me tired and causes further pain. I accept that and it wasn't easy to accept. But I did not get a chance to say all this. He asked a few questions geared to making me look like an unfit mother and changed the subject. I was only allowed to answer with short answers. And my lawyer sat there with his thumb up his ass letting Bolster tear me apart.
He said in mediation referring to my answers in the deposition that Auto Owners does not deny that the accident was the fault of their client. That they were taking responsibility for the lesion on my left knee and nothing else. He said that when we got to court he would prove that the other medical issues were a result of my other issues that were covered in the deposition such as:
My mother died at the age of 56 of breast cancer
That my son has autism
That my son self medicates with pot and alcohol
That I was sexually abused as a child by my step father
That I am a lesbian
That my parents had problems with alcohol
These issues do not cause permanent nerve damage in two places; one under the kneecap, the nerve was severed there completely and the other nerve damage is coming from my back where five discs are bulging (I had no problems before the accident).
These issues do not cause torn cartilidge in the left knee which was surgically repaired in April of 2000.
Myofacial pain syndrome which appeared during the nine months of physical therapy after the torn cartilidge surgery in April 2000. Muscles that are controlled by nerves that are damaged do not do well in physcial therapy. How could they? They are not getting the nerve impulses to work properly.
Fibromyalgia; which came on a few years after the car accident. This resulted from all the other injuries and the fact that I began limping immediately after the accident and this had thrown my body off balance. It was the way my body compensated for the imbalance and the damage; making it difficult to get around.
Arthritus set in almost immediately. When the surgeon got into my knee in April of 2000 he found a lesion of arthritus right on the knee cap and lasered it off. That is the only thing I was compensated for. In spite of the fact, that I have had several surgical procedures called caudal nerve blocks to help with the damaged nerve pain which is horrendous and right up there with cancer pain.
So I have chronic pain which is intractable and for which there is no known cure. It is a life time disease that I have to live with. It also prevents me from doing so many things that are important for good mental health.
Over these past six years I became depressed diagnosed with major depressive disorder. I applied for permanent disability on July 7 2004. I was approved five months later on the first go round without and attorney.
I have to do something. The heart attack in March proves that I am still carrying around anger with the situation of the lawsuit and how it turned out. The heart attack was pretty bad and left my ventricles permanently damaged.
I just can't let go of this. I am trapped by my body and these circumstances. I suffered severe financial setbacks because of my injuries. I lost my job because of the injuries. I became permanently disabled because of that car accident. And I cannot let them get away with this. I have to be compensated so I can get on with my life by selling this house and moving back to GA to be closer to my family.
Right now I can do nothing. That is so frustrating too because not a day goes by that I don't think about them and what happened. I am so trapped here. I am afraid that I will die before I can move to my kids.
This is a horrible situation. With what I am paid by social security $990.00 a month I will never be able to financially move to GA. My income as it is does not pay all my bills each month. I have to rob Peter to pay Paul every single month.
I am so tired I can no longer take care of my garden or mow the grass. My son is coming up from Atlanta to cut my grass. My daughters come up from Atlanta to give my house a good cleaning. So I am in limbo trying to find a way to get home.
In the meantime I am alone. Most of these past six years I have been alone. No one is interested in me for long before they become frustrated and angry at me, my body and the way I have to cancel out on activities because I am sick.
I have stuggled for a year to maintain on Medicaid and at the end of this month I am cut off and do not know how I will pay for my medications which are:
Oxycotin 20 mg every eight hours
Cymbalta 90mg in the am
Wellbutrin in the pm
Valium prn for anxiety and muscle pain
Celebrex prn for arthritus
Crestor in the pm to reduce cholesterol
Plavix 75 mg to reduce clotting. It is working because I have uncontrolled bleeding in my hemmoroid. And I stay constipated because of the anti-depressants and the Oxycotin
Asipirin 81 mg in the am
Lopressor twice a day
Lisinopril once in the am
That's all for today. More later. I hope this helps somehow. I wish that every time I post a section that that memory would disappear completely. Would that not be great!
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